By Jill Bosman
What's it like having two sets of twins 15 months apart - the older two girls 34 months and the pigeon pair 19 months?
It means:
- One of them breaking the record for the two minute loft-cupboard via the kitchen stool, via the fridge and on to the broom cupboard in order to reach the junior multivitamins - undoubtedly being cheered on by the crowd below. Between them they devoured 47 tablets in less than three minutes. The entire job took less time than I took to run a bath.
According to the Poison Centre 10 000 units of vitamin A is toxic (eight of theses specific tablets). Bosman's luck, like Murphy's law, states that this will occur at 7.30pm, when the local chemist is out of Ipekakuana, and when one of the four fails to vomit, Mom tears off to look for a third emergency chemist (the second one being closed by now) and the un-operative one is ill on two beds and the carpet while dad is busy attending to someone else. Naturally the washing machine is out of order.
- Looking out of the bedroom window to see three of them sitting on the top step of the swimming pool, debating the most effective method of retrieving their slippers (between accusations of who threw them in to start with). I was changing the fourth one's nappy.
They had carried one of their chairs 100m to the pool gate and managed to open the latch on the inside. The gate is generally padlocked but it wasn't that day...
This episode gave me sleepless nights, and hopefully will act as a warning to other parents -never underestimate the ingenuity or determination of a two-year-old.
The following morning we found the same chair strategically placed beneath the nail holding the padlock key. Always remember, what one doesn't think of, the other one two or three will.
- After many uneventful visits to the local adventure playground, the smaller two unaccountably decided to try the water slide. The older two had never displayed any interest in it.
I managed to grab one's arm, but the other rocketed off, grinning fiendishly and then struck dumb with terror as she gathered momentum and plunged face first into the deep water below.
With four children under three years, I no longer visit the playground without two other adults, as even the older two have no concept of the danger of standing in the path of a hurtling water slider.
- Walking into the kitchen and into a river of cooking oil skilfully blended with curry powder, with all four glistening from crown to toenails - that is, all except one, whose toenails were covered in my new, once off-white and now curry-coloured, superbly absorbent canvas shoes.
- It also means attempting to clean the brown shaggy carpet of soap powder - naturally they wait until you buy the super economy size before trying this one.
All these incidents happened within a period of 10 days and all took less than five minutes without adult supervision to perpetrate.
But having two sets of twins also means adding half an hour on to any shopping expedition (and believe me, they truly are expeditions) as we make a friend-a-minute wherever we go. I am sure this sounds familiar to all of you...