Can you watch your kids 24 hours a day? In light of terrible accidents and abductions involving small children, the question should probably be, can you afford not to watch your kids 24 hours a day?
Everything that happens to them, happens under their parents' and caretakers' jurisdiction. We have to watch them, say the experts, because they cannot be expected to look after themselves.
"Traditionally," says Dr Sebastian van As, head of the Red Cross Children's Hospital trauma unit in Cape Town, "the trauma cases that end up in hospital are divided into accidental and non-accidental - in other words, abuse - cases. For me these areas are interwoven.
"There's this notion," he continues, "that a child is not a child, but a small adult who can take responsibility for his or her safety. This is not so. Children cannot protect themselves against danger and they are never to blame for what happens to them."
Nelmarie du Toit, director of the Child Accident Prevention Foundation of Southern Africa, adds that "people tend to think of accidents as something that could not have been prevented, but there is almost always something that can be done to prevent an accident happening".
The bottom line is that children's safety rests almost 100% with us as parents, and we have to watch them - or make sure they are watched by responsible adults - every minute of the day. Abuse, abduction and accidents are far less likely to happen when a child is being watched by a responsible adult.
South African children are more vulnerable than children in some other parts of the world for a variety of reasons.
For instance, cars, although fewer in Africa than in Europe, are 200 times more dangerous here than there, says Van As. There are more unroadworthy cars, unlicensed, irresponsible and drunk drivers, and less strictly-enforced roads rules.
Poverty, a general lack of education about safety, overcrowding, South Africa's violent history (and present) all contribute to the fact that our children - regardless of background - are extremely vulnerable.
"According to our constitution, all children should have preferential treatment, but this is reflected nowhere in our daily reality. We have the most advanced constitution in the world, and our kids seem to be worst off," says Van As.
There are two things that need to happen for children to be safe, says Du Toit.
The first is that they need to be watched constantly. The second is called "passive parenting", where parents create a safe environment for a child.
"At birth, children need 100% protection. As they grow older, we slowly educate them and protect them less, until they are old enough to protect themselves. And it's not a school's job to educate children about safety. It has to be learnt at home from a young age," says Du Toit.
"Obviously hovering around them, fussing all the time and showing them how worried you are about them being hurt is going to hamper their development and their confidence. It's a fine balance that you have to learn to strike, between guarding them and teaching them to be safe."
She says that many well-intentioned parents tell their children things like how to cross a road safely, but then proceed to jaywalk between on-coming traffic with the child holding on to their hand.
"Children learn by example. It doesn't help just telling them what is right," she says.
Creating an environment in which children can play safely is the other part of a caregiver's responsibility, especially considering that children are injured in their own homes more than anywhere else.
The very first rule is that children should not play on or near a street, or on open ground. They need to be in a contained, controlled area where they cannot slip through fences, fall into swimming pools, drown in buckets of water, consume poisons by accident, or injure themselves on gardening equipment.
There are companies in other countries that run in-house inspection services and then provide parents with a report of the areas in their homes that could pose problems. Such companies do not exist in South Africa, and Du Toit's Foundation does what it can to advise people.
"It's incredible that even well-educated people don't see the dangers in their own homes. I went to one house where the woman had placed a bottle of bleach next to each toilet for cleaning," says Du Toit.
Van As adds that the problem of child safety is not limited to certain social strata.
A recent admission to the trauma unit was a little girl with 90% burns all over her body. Her mother had run hot water in the bath. The phone had rung and, unaware that her daughter was able to get into the bath by herself, had left her to answer the phone.
"People tend to think things won't happen to them, but it really is better to always take precautions," warns Du Toit.
Safety tips
- From birth we give our children 100% protection. Slowly we educate more and protect less. Pre-school children cannot be held responsible for their own safety. Understanding developmental ages will help you stay one step ahead of your children.
- Birth to six months: babies can wriggle, kick, roll over, wave hands, reach for and grasp things. Anything within their reach will go into their mouths. Don't handle hot foods and drinks with a baby in your arms, never leave a baby unattended on a bed or high surface, and keep small objects out of reach.
- Six to 12 months: babies become mobile and safety barriers need to be placed at the top and bottom of stairs. Never leave the baby alone near any form of water, and make sure they can't pull things off high surfaces on to themselves. Watch them all the time.
- One to two years: toddlers are very active and imitate others. They climb, jump, run, turn knobs and dials, press switches and explore. They are curious, but unable to learn from mistakes. Watch them all the time.
- Two to four years: they are busy and active during play. Make sure an adult is always nearby. Learning to be safe takes time, but this is when you start teaching them safe habits. They are quick and unpredictable. They cannot understand that something that is a danger today will still be a danger tomorrow. Never let them be alone near a road and always hold their hands in traffic. If you can't see them, at least make sure you can hear them and get to them quickly.
- Five years and older: they can understand that things are dangerous but may not remember. They need supervision. They spend more time away from home and are more daring with friends around.
- At age eight, children can be quite responsible, but will still forget things. They get carried away when friends are around and will need adults to turn to for help.
- By 11, children are capable of understanding and implementing safe behaviour, but may choose to push the limits. Parents should insist on safety guidelines, while allowing their children to discover their independence.
- From 12 onwards, children are easily influenced by their peers and will rebel against rules and even break laws, such as driving cars, taking drugs or playing with firearms. Older siblings cannot be fully responsible for smaller children. A child of 11 could easily become absorbed in a book or a TV programme and forget to watch a three year old.