I'm writing this road review with a bit of a smirk on my face. Now don't get me wrong - I understand the importance of greener cars and haircuts for polar bears but tar and feather me for the smirk-inducing personality of BMW's range-topping X6, the X6 xDrive50i.
It's driven by the same humungous twin-turbo V8 as BMW's range-topping 7 Series, the 750i(the big-daddy 760i V12 is due early in 2010).
This is a well-endowed 4.4-litre, pushing 300kW and 600Nm through all four of the X6's 20" tyres - but allow me to define "pushing" further.
When we tested the 750i a few months back at Gerotek outside Pretoria, we got 5.7sec for the 0-100km/h sprint and covered the quarter mile in 13.9sec - not bad for a 1945kg sedan, we thought.
Then this X6 arrived. Same mill, same outputs, and we get 0-100km/h in 5.4sec (identical to BMW's claim), a quarter mile in 13.7sec - and it weighs more than 2.2 tons.
That's impressive and it's even quicker than Audi's Q7 V12 TDI, six-litre turbodiesel with its 368kW/1000Nm (0-100km/h in 5.8sec, quarter mile in 13.9).
So yes, there's a smirk on my face.
CAR-LIKE HANDLING
But even crazier is that as an early Christmas present (end of November), there's an X6 due locally with an M badge. Same 4.4-litre V8 twin turbo as the vehicle on test here, but with an insane 408kW and 680Nm. Can you imagine? There must be some secret SUV power-stakes bet going on between the big boys in Ingolstadt, Bavaria and Stuttgart.
Handling on the X6 xDrive50i is also not bad. The lack of body roll on this big slugger is noticeworthy but in my opinion this applies to the X6 range as a whole.
I remember driving the xDrive 35i at the SA launch through the twisties in the Cape and making a mental note as to how good the handling was for an SUV (or Sports Activity Coupé as BMW calls it).
Besides the usual all-wheel-drive technology that moves power between front and rear axles, the X6 range gets something called Dynamic Performance Control which distributes power between the rear wheels for optimum handling. I hate the cliché, but car-like handling it is, and a good thing too in this case, with the kind of power we're talking about.
EYE-WATERING FUEL CONSUMPTION
Getting behind the wheel is a visceral experience, as I've alluded to with those test figures. This thing shifts, I can't describe it any other way. The dual turbos banish the concept of lag, there's a shweet exhaust note that plays along to your right foot and throttle response is instant and brutal.
The six-speed auto box manages the grunt admirably, but the steering-wheel paddles are a waste. I can't understand why the technical boys decided it would be a good idea not to have dedicated shifts per paddle - instead you can shift up or down on either side and that I don't like.
Fuel consumption was also a little eye-watering at 17.4l/100km (12.5 claimed), but if the R1.1-million price tag (with extras) doesn't scare you, the consumption shouldn't.
As usual our test unit was specced to the rafters: big rims, sports package, BMW Individual bits and pieces, and more toys than you'd find at Reggie's. But even with all the spoilers and alloys the X6 styling is an acquired taste. It's grown on me but many people I chatted to felt differently.
VERDICT
Yes, as a vehicle the X6 is a bit pointless. It has no real off-road ability, the back seats are strictly for two (meaning it's not ideal for bigger families), and styling (is there really a need for an SUV coupé?) controversial. But it's as good as it is pointless and in the case of the xDrive 50i, it's really good.