The Chevrolet Lumina Ute SS is not a bakkie in touch with its feminine side. It's a big, brawny, hide-the-women-and-children kind of pick-up with appropriate heavy-metal soundtrack.
The heavy metal in the engine bay is a 5.7-litre V8 with a mighty punch and a righteous howl. It's hard to believe this is officially classed a working vehicle or that its life could be spent hauling garden cuttings or building material.
It's more likely to have quads or jet skis on the back but whatever it's lugging the Chev Ute will get it there in a hurry and with lots of presence.
This Australian-built bakkie is sold as a single cab in six-speed manual guise (the one on test here) at R314 500 or with a four-speed automatic transmission for R302 000.
This hairy-chested hauler is by far the mightiest bakkie money can buy in South Africa; no other can match its sports car-like 250kW and 470Nm of boat-towing, hill-climbing torque.
If a Golf GTi or a BMW 330i picks a fight with this bakkie at the robots it will eat them for breakfast with its 6.3-second 0-100km/h sprint. Its performance is more in the class of sports sedans such as BMW's M3 and the Subaru Impreza Sti, with a top speed of 240km/h.
The Chev has no traction control (yee-ha!) and lights up its rear tyres with little encouragement, laying down fat stripes of rubber amid lots of smoke and drama. Drive it hard and it will spin its wheels in second gear as well.
Tone down your driving enthusiasm by a couple of notches, however, and the big Chev delivers brawny power without expensive tyre smoke, even at medium revs.
There's no need for revs when you're cruising; at 120km/h in top it burbles along contentedly at only 1800rpm. Nevertheless, we're not implying any fuel economy benefit - the petrol gauge drops as fast as Zimbabwe's economy.
A heavy clutch and notchy gearshift make this bakkie unsuitable for quiche-eating drivers. The gearshift is stubbornly stiff and attempting quick changes is like trying to wrest Excalibur from its rock.
Thanks be, then, that the power steering makes it easy to manoeuvre though this is a long bakkie and three-point turns are frequently called for.
Chev's Ute has decent ride quality and handles bumps without dislodging your fillings. Handling's not bad for a commercial vehicle either: it sits close to the ground on low-profile tyres and a stiff sports suspension that gives it reasonable agility through corners.
Power slides
The wide tyres grip well up to a point but hooligan power slides will come into play if you're too heavy on the throttle. The anti-lock brakes do the business, wiping off speed impressively in an emergency stop.
The tarmac is where this bakkie will spend most of its time and it's not a vehicle for rough dirt roads thanks to its poor ground clearance and low-profile rubber.
This is no wolf in sheep's clothing; the Ute has muscular styling to match its hard-hitting performance. It's a big vehicle with lots of physical presence, enhanced by prominent, colour-matched bumpers and skirts, two tailpipes and chunky 17" alloys.
Lighting is supplied by modern projector headlamps and fog lights. The tonneau cover over the load bay is simple to fit and remove thanks to a slide/clip system that's less fiddly than the traditional ropes. Payload is a mediocre 662kg despite the generous size of the bin.
The cabin of Chev's ballistic bakkie blends comfort with sporty overtones. No cows were spared in upholstering the sports bucket seats with leather bearing the SS insignia and decorating the steering wheel, handbrake and gear lever with red-stitched cowhide.
All the comforts
The instruments have a red background and the sports pedals are drilled metal. Passengers are pampered with all the comforts of an executive car - air-conditioning, power windows and mirrors and an audio system with a front-loading, six-disc CD changer and secondary controls on the steering wheel.
Standard equipment includes cruise control, remote-controlled central locking and a trip data computer while a height and reach-adjustable steering column ensures there's a driving position to suit everybody. Passengers are protected by two front crash bags and seat belts with pre-tensioners.
Got clutter to carry? No worries mate; there are several cabin storage nooks including a lidded item between the seats and a pair of pop-out cupholders in the fascia for drinks.
SUMMARY
Strewth, Bruce, this is one bodacious bakkie, and the only thing we'd add is a bumper sticker saying: "Born to rock (and carry them)".
The Chev Lumina Ute SS is unlikely ever to do an honest day's work on a farm. Think of it rather as a sports car with a load bed and a terrific way to carry your other motorised toys. - Star Motoring