The Jeep Commander reminds me a lot of Arnold Schwarzenegger. Big and mean and no-nonsense. Yes, I know the Governator has a predilection for Hummers, but then the Commander is DaimlerChrysler's answer to GM's beast.
Jeep's new mean machine has similar get-outta-my-way styling as the square-edged desert stormer, along with a monster of an engine, seven seats and an all-wheel drive system with go-anywhere ability.
Ahnuld would love it, I'm sure.
The retro-styled American SUV is the new big daddy of the Jeep range and was launched in SA June in two petrol V8 versions: a 4.7-litre with 170kW/410Nm selling for R399 000, and the 5.7-litre Hemi version tested here, which costs R495000.
The Commander shares its powertrain, 4x4 system and wheelbase with the Grand Cherokee but is 37mm longer. It's a large piece of hardware at nearly five metres long and weighing 2.4 tons, so it's just as well that Hemi (it stands for hemispherical combustion chambers) has 240kW of power and 500Nm of torque to haul it around.
So endowed, the big Jeep makes an effortless cruiser with a lusty power delivery in that smooth, whooshy style of big V8's. And in that typical gas-guzzling style too. With the aerodynamics of a block of flats, that big-block V8 quaffs a wallet-emptying 20 litres/100km+. And that's with a clever system that deactivates half the engine's cylinders while cruising and under light acceleration which, according to DaimlerChrysler, increases fuel economy by up to 20 percent.
You try not to think about the fuel consumption as you thrash the throttle and get this big crate moving along. It feels gutsy right off the mark with 90 percent of its torque available over a broad rev band from 2400 to 5100 rpm. The Hemi, Jeep says, will haul to a hundred in 7.4sec and top out at 208km/h.
The power's fed to all four wheels through a five-speed automatic that shifts smoothly and doesn't hunt around too much. A sequential tiptronic-style mode allows you to swop cogs manually but there's no point as the transmission still kicks down whenever it wants to and won't hold the gear you've selected.
I had a good laugh seeing Jeep's media release describing the Commander as "nimble". It's about as nimble as the Titanic with handling that makes an X5 feel like a racing kart. It's floaty and spongy and, though it rides over speed humps smoothly, the suspension continues bouncing for a couple of seconds afterwards.
Thanks be, then, that the all-wheel drive and traction control are there as a safety net to any over-exuberant driving.
It's a big, imposing vehicle to drive. It's very wide, with large side mirrors giving it a wingspan that makes your buttocks clench each time you drive into a gate or garage.
Parallel parking is very stressful. There's almost no rear vision, thanks to the two rows of head restraint-equipped seats at the back. It's like peering through a letterbox. It's a relief that there's a parking sensor; without it you'd have to leave the Commander at home and take the family Uno.
But there's not much that will stop this Yank Tank when black tar is swopped for bundu. With its generous ground clearance, gutsy power and permanent all-wheel drive there's few dongas or hills that it won't easily tackle.
It shares its Quadra-Drive II all-wheel drive with the Grand Cherokee. This ensures maximum traction by transferring power from the slipping wheels to those with most grip and almost 100% of the torque can be distributed to any wheel. There's also a low range gear to help ascend or descend super-steep hills.
The Commander's passenger quarters are spacious and there's plenty of stretch-out room in the front two rows. Each row is slightly higher than the one in front of it, a "theatre-style" arrangement which means passengers will see more than just the back of someone's head.
The rear pair of seats is only for the severely height-challenged however, and they leave very little boot space. There's plenty of luggage room once these seats are folded down flat. With the middle row flattened too there seems almost enough room in there to park a pony.
Like the exterior the cabin is ruggedly styled. Allen-head bolts - which are also used on the flared wheelarches - give the dash a robust, industrial look. The seats are covered in classy leather but the cabin tone is lowered by plastic wood on the console.
All the bells and whistles you'd expect for half a million bucks are present: air-con, electrically adjustable front seats, cruise control, power sunroof, a CD audio system, the works. And storage bins and cupholders galore.
Rear passengers are well catered for too with their own air-con controls and a DVD player that flips down from the ceiling. No more "are we there yet?" nagging from the back seat.
SUMMARY
The Commander is a living cliche, a homage to everything we used to expect from Uncle Sam's car builders: a big, bad-ass, boldly styled gas-guzzler with spongy handling. But a very capable vehicle, just the thing for those cross-country expeditions.
All that remains is to don the camo clothes, climb aboard, and as you head for horizons unknown, in your best Ahnuld accent mutter: "I'll be back."
Remember to take plenty of petrol money.