When I was 15 I seemed to spend most of my life fantasising - I think most lads do. Every week I'd sit down with my quarter of rhubarb-and-custard sweets and read through Auto Trader, circling with a marker pen all the cars I'd buy when I passed my driving test.
The Peugeot 205 GTI, Renault 5 Turbo, Golf GTI and cheeky pocket rocket the Fiat Uno Turbo were all way out of my price range, never mind the insurance, but at that age fantasies are way more interesting than reality.
And my fantasy was speed. Don't get me wrong, I was interested in girls, but I was too busy in the kitchen to worry about that, not to mention too fat and too ugly. Victoria and Emma at my school were far more interested in the sporty lot with their tracksuits and rugby boots than some bloke with white socks, Dolcis shoes and a wicker basket full of Tupperware-sealed ingredients for his Swiss roll.
Who'd blame them?
All the grief I got every evening on the back of the bus from those fitness freaks was worth it in the end, though. My Swiss rolls got better and better but, although I've enjoyed some success, those teenage dreams of hot hatches never materialised.
When I was still the right age for them the closest I got was a £250 cut-and-shut white Vauxhall Nova with Pioneer box speakers from Halfords on the back shelf and a tape machine blasting out "Summer o'69" by Bryan Adams, down on Scarborough seafront.
Can't say it impressed anybody very much.
So there's a part of me that wants to go back and right that wrong, now that I can afford to buy all four of those Eighties hot hatches in one go. The trouble is, though, the boy racer arms race has escalated in the intervening 25 years.
Back then, 90kW would get you respect (as well it should, in cars with no crash bags or driving aids that tended to violently disagree with you in mid-corner). But these days the same boys - or their sons - are into 225kW cars such as the Subaru Impreza STI, Nissan 370Z... or this week's offering, the latest Ford Focus RS.
You may have wondered why Top Gear and all the other car journalists got so excited about the RS when it came out mid-2009 but I can assure you, half the 15-year-old lads in the country were frantically circling pictures of it in their magazines. It was legendary before it went on sale. I know a bloke who drove one round Essex the day it came out and was chased down the street by mobs with cameras. You don't get that with aFerrari,, even. So what's all the fuss about?
EVEN MORE STUFF
Well, to look at, it's what you'd call "special interest". A lot of people, girls especially, hate its splitters, spoilers and vents - and even I question the value of the massive wing stuck on the back like an Ikea sideboard, but I like its big alloy rims, twin exhausts and ground-sucking rear diffuser. Overall, you can't deny it's a seriously sporty piece of kit, a rally car for the High Street.
Inside there's even more stuff to have the teenagers wetting themselves with envy: no satnav, no key ignition, just a big round START' button, a short-throw gearshifter, a turbo gauge and Recaro sports seats in the same blue as the bodywork (and about as comfortable).
There are sports seats in the back, too: hard, but roomy enough for two six-footers, as well as a huge boot. But really this car has nothing to do with the weekly shop. I tried to get Radio 2 on the stereo but it wouldn't let me: all I got was drum & bass and hardcore whatsit. That tells you all you need to know.
Pressing the big starter button, I was expecting an aggressive roar, but it's actually quite polite. Flicking the traction control off as I always do - even though the roads were full of water - I pulled out of my drive and hit the throttle.
Straight away I could feel not just the power, but the performance of this thing, hitting 100km/h in well under six seconds with total authority.
THE PULL IS RIDICULOUS
The old 166kW Focus RS (a version of which won the World Rally championship in 2006 and 2007) used to torque-steer all over the place but this doesn't, thanks to a thing called a RevoKnuckle in the front suspension, which I won't pretend to understand.
Suffice to say, putting 225kW down through the front wheels has long been thought impossible, or at least irresponsible, but the guys at Ford have done it. The pull on this thing is ridiculous.
What's more, cornering is brilliant, with responsive steering - sharper than it would have been as a 4WD, I'm sure - and plenty of grip. Still, you will spin the wheels if you stamp hard on the gas. I was spraying gravel all over the place. To be fair, though, I had turned the traction control off...
Don't be fooled. Despite being based on Britain's top-selling car, this is not one you'd drive every day. The ride is hard enough to give your mother-in-law a heart attack and the noise is pretty loud. But there's a part of every man's soul that lurks in car parks doing burnouts and mine is irresistibly drawn to this motor.
I would change one thing, though. When I was at the Goodwood Festival of Speed last June I did the hill. I did it in an RS that had a completely different exhaust, one that shook the leaves off the trees. I'd like to see it fitted as standard. Give me one of those and I'd gladly join one of those late-night cruises on the seafront.
Fifteen-year-old James would expect nothing less. - London Daily Mail
SPECIFICATIONS
Price (in SA):
R00 000.
Engine:
2.5-litre five cylinders, turbocharged.
Power:
225kW.
Max torque:
440Nm from 2300-4500rpm.
Top speed:
260km/h.
Transmission:
Six-speed manual.
Fuel consumption:
9.3 litres/100km (claimed).
CO2 emissions:
225g/km.
Standard issue:
19" alloys, 13"disc brakes with ABS/EBD, limited-slip differential, Ford RevoKnuckle front suspension, Recaro sports seats.
Options:
Touchscreen DVD satnav, Bluetooth and USB kit, DAB radio/6CD/MP3, auto lights/wipers, park assist, leather seating, aircon.