Some things are best forgotten. Some things can't be.
I was rubbish at exams. My English teacher's spelling tests used to put the fear of God into me, as I knew I'd have to spend the evening away from my computer games. It wasn't just English - cookery exams were just as terrifying.
The practical side was fine - I could always make cakes better than the rest - but the written test was a nightmare. Unfair as well, I thought. What does an 11-year-old need to know the chemical composition of a sugar lump for?
Well, I probably should have concentrated on that instead of my boeuf bourguignon, because I failed Home Economics.
Funnily enough, the other two in my class who failed were the only two who went on to be professional chefs.
And here we are, 20-something years later, not only getting paid for cooking but with me also writing in a national paper - having failed English at school.
I still wake up in a cold sweat thinking there's an exam in the morning I haven't studied for. Yes, I'd really like to forget a lot of things about the 1980's.
It's hard, though, because TV and pop music have been obsessed with them for what seems like the entire past decade. Can youngsters not just leave their TwitFace accounts and invent some new pop of their own?
And that brings me to Citroen. It's a solid brand, but it's ages since it's had a car you really loved. With Mini making huge profits out of a retro relaunch and Fiat doing the same with its 500, it's no surprise someone at Citroen decided to resurrect the DS - probably the best-loved car in its history and one that I just about remember from my own childhood.
But here's what's different: this new DS looks nothing like the old one. That was shaped like a sort of motorboat, a lovely thing you could imagine Brigitte Bardot tootling down to St Tropez in.
This is like... well, it's not like anything, because it's new. Futuristic, in fact. And that's great because I'm sick of nostalgia. The moment it arrived on my drive, I began to feel good about the DS3.
First, though, they had to give me a lecture on the concept: not the "anti-retro" thing, which I'm fine with, but the "Touch" programme, where you pick one of five engines across four trim levels, then one of seven packages - each offering a different mix of colours, textures and technology - and finally personalise your car right down to the floor mats, gear knob and remote key.
Citroen reckons no two DS3s will be the same. Be careful, though - if you go to town on the Yellow Pages-sized options list you'll have something that costs a hell of a lot more than the C3 on which it's based.
Once the Citroen agent had gone, I stood and looked at it, and liked what I saw. A few people have told me it's not as pretty as on the advert, but I think it looks better. I love the LED strips at the front, the two-tone colour scheme and the mad way the B-pillar doesn't reach the roof.
LOTS OF ROOM (AND VROOM)
Inside, I couldn't help comparing it to the Mini (the 1.6-litre petrol turbo is the same one Mini uses), and although the fascia isn't as successful, that's more than made up for by the amount of space.
There's a lot of room in the DS3 and with this engine it's got plenty of punch. After only five kilometres in it, I decided to dump my Audi R8 sports car for the next big road trip and take this instead. It was either going to be the beginning of a new love affair with Citroen or the end - because I needed to go 800 miles to Paris and back.
So with the Eiffel Tower dialled into the satnav, the missus in the passenger seat and our ferry tickets in the glove compartment, it was off to see the sights.
Sometimes the problem with these city cars is that they can't handle heavy motorway traffic - the last one I had got blown across three lanes each time a truck thundered past.
Not this, though. Its great little engine just breezed along without a care in the world and, with Dover fast approaching, it was 12 points to the new DS.
NIPPY AND RESPONSIVE
After a dry sandwich and stewed tea we were in France, barrelling down the A26 with its speed cameras every mile. That was fine: I was enjoying driving it and, as the tripmeter went past 300km I noticed I'd only used half a tank of fuel. Great - and the diesel is supposed to be even better.
Once we reached Paris, it felt as at home as it did on the national road, nippy and responsive on the back streets. The manual box was easy to use, the slick gear changes and light clutch making it a great little runabout.
With a boot full of booty we headed back and, pulling into Calais, I noticed people nudging each other and pointing at us. I knew it was a nice car but this was unexpected. I was blushing.
It wasn't until we were back in England that I realised what they were pointing at: two French blackbirds well and truly splattered on the front grille. I mean welded on. It took me several minutes with a sturdy stick to pry them off.
Still, Rolls has the flying lady, Ferrari a prancing horse and Lamborghini a bull. Given the DS3's looks, maybe a squashed-bird mascot is something Citroen should consider. It's got everything else right. You'd be mad not to try one out.
TECH SPEC
Engine:
1.6-litre four-cylinder turbo (petrol).
Power:
115kW at 6000rpm
Torque:
240Nm at 1400rpm.
Transmission:
Six-speed manual.
Fuel consumption:
6.7 litres/100km.
CO2 emissions:
155g/km.
Standard stuff:
17" alloys, antilock braking, stability control, sports suspension, cruise control with speed limiter, six-speaker radio/CD/MP3 player, power mirrors, LED running lights, chrome-tipped dual exhaust and door handles, aluminium drilled pedals, mood lighting, auto air-con, Bluetooth and USB connecting box.
Optional extras:
Chromed mirrors, auto lights and wipers, rear parking sensors, heatable folding mirrors, roof stickers and floor mats, choice of colours for: fascia, leather steering wheel and gear knob, upholstery, roof and satnav.