Mercedes' E63 AMG reminds me of a suit-wearing accountant with a bazooka on his shoulder. Formal and civilised; a person with whom one should not mess.
There's no mistaking the AMG for a regular E-Class, thanks to its tough-looking apron and LED daytime running lights. Prominent sills denote its AMG-ness from the side; at the rear a pair of tail pipes pokes provocatively from each side of an AMG rear apron.
The cabin blends stiff upper lip with Rambo, courtesy of power-adjustable bucket seats, a sports steering wheel with shift paddles, liberal AMG badging and the obligatory brushed stainless-steel pedals.
The gunpowder in the keg is AMG's 6.2-litre, high-performance V8, as always tuned according to the AMG model it powers but in this model developing 386kW/630Nm. E-Class customers will be happy to hear that's more muscle than the smaller and cheaper C63 AMG, which has 336kW and 600Nm.
It's linked to a Speedshift seven-speed auto/manual sequential sports transmission with four drive modes: controlled efficiency (Merc's cute new name for what used to be called comfort), sport, sport plus and manual.
The shifter has no positive "click" to denote gear selection. Usually when I pulled it out of park it first selected neutral, then I had to bump it forward or back again to find reverse or drive but once you do find a gear it's a terrific transmission with a charismatic throttle blip on downshifts.
The car is a low-flying missile, surging forward like an enraged bull and rapidly blurring the peripheral scenery. Overtaking acceleration is monstrous and the E63 makes child's play of slingshotting past long trucks.
There's a "race start" function, presumably for when you need to teach cheeky hot hatches a lesson at the lights, but it doesn't accelerate with quite the hammer-you-into-your-seat violence of a BMW M5 on launch control. Instead of a touch of wheelspin and the power coming in with a bang, the Merc bogs down slightly for the first few microseconds before the revs start rising and do their thing.
This no doubt spares the drivetrain but I wonder why Benz bothers to offer "race start" when it's barely any quicker than just driving it normally? The best 0-100 time I got was 5.6sec, just a tenth quicker than simply leaving it in drive.
By the way, I still lament the replacement of the old 5.5-litre supercharged engine with this unblown 6.2 which isn't as powerful on the Highveld. The blown E55 AMG tested a few years ago rocketed to 0-100km/h in 5.1 seconds.
The E63 has AMG ride control on its sports suspension that uses steel springs up front but air springs at the rear, giving ride and handling to suit any situation.
STEERING MORE DIRECT
By default it's a smooth-riding car that wafts along comfortably (although on smaller bumps you can always feel the ultra low-profile tyres) but pressing a button stiffens the electrically controlled shock-absorbers when a mountain pass beckons.
It's a heavy car but this big Benz does the handling job admirably: minimal body roll, tremendous traction and more steering feel than Mercs of old. The speed-sensitive rack-and-pinion steering is 22 percent more direct than that of a standard E-Class.
The ESP has three modes: on, off, and ESP Sport which allows a bit of traction loss before cutting in.
Despite an eight kW power increase over the previous E63 AMG there's been a 12 percent fuel consumption improvement, according to Mercedes, although we couldn't get the reading down to anywhere near the claimed 12.6 litres/100km.
The E63 AMG comes with Mercedes' MobiloDrive 120 maintenance plan - 120 000km or six years - and a two-year warranty. Price: R1 150 000.
THE VERDICT
I found the E63, for all its performance ability, quite aloof - a car that doesn't put you into the heart of its action quite like an M5. There's a muted V8 growl and that pressed-into-your-seat sensation when you're giving it stick but the Benz always stays smooth, quiet and unflustered, as if it has no intention of putting a hair out of place.
Which is probably exactly the way its buyers want it.