Model:
Opel Meriva VXR.
Price:
£16 495 (abour R176 500).
Engine:
1598cc, four cylinders, 16 valves, turbo-charger, 135kW at 5500rpm, 230Nm (266Nm on overboost) from 2200-5500rpm.
Transmission:
Six-speed gearbox, front-wheel drive.
Performance:
220km/h, 0-100km/h 7.9sec, 7.84 litres/100km official average.
Pointless, they said. "They" were fellow motoring pundits braving the horizontal rain and gales on the German island of Sylt, the unlikely venue for Vauxhall's (Opel in SA) launch of the Meriva VXR.
Rain, the threat of snow and no bends. And the VXR was on squidgy, undersized winter tyres.
Pointless, on two counts. First, there was no way of finding out whether the notion of a compact MPV with hot-hatch suspension and a hyperactive turbo engine works.
And, secondly, why make an MPV pretend it's a hot hatch when you might just as well buy the hot hatch itself? After all, said those pundits too young and unencumbered to know otherwise, if you need an MPV, you're well past wanting a hot hatch.
Age, however, does not necessarily wither the desire for a thrilling drive in a small package. Hence the target market for the Meriva VXR: young parents who feel cheated by circumstance, who don't see why the thrill of driving and the transport of offspring need be mutually exclusive.
The Meriva VXR has the 1.6-litre, 135kW, turbocharged engine that will also hide beneath the bonnet of the forthcoming Corsa VXR. It's the latest addition to the range of sporty VXR's, some of which are excellent (Vectra), some flawed (Zafira - we'll come back to that one, as it's also an MPV) and some exciting but wayward (Astra).
Unlike the others, however, this one has been engineered in Germany by the Opel Performance Centre (OPC). Indeed, in Opel-branded markets (all of Europe, apart from the UK), this is an Opel Meriva OPC.
And it's in that guise that I tried this car ahead of the launch a couple of months ago, at Opel's test track in Germany. And I've now been able to try a representative right-hand drive, VXR-badged version in the UK, and I'm glad I did, because it's all I hoped it would be.
If you were (unwisely) to be blindfolded before driving off, you would still know this is a VXR-flavoured car. Two reasons: beneath the deep, but non-intrusive, burble emanating from the trapezoidal tailpipe is the aural signature of every small Opel overhead-camshaft engine since the first Astra, and the accelerator response is just like that of the other VXRs.
You press the pedal, nothing happens for a moment, then the engine finds its increased speed and then it lights up and zooms onwards, all without your altering the position of your right foot.
It takes some getting used to and, until you do, you'll be surging off on a surfeit of torque and slowing too abruptly if you lift the accelerator.
The technique, if you want to drive with the smoothness a passenger-load should demand, is to feed in the power gradually until you feel the boost start to build, then accelerate harder if you so desire.
Eager engine
Alternatively, you can throw finesse out of the window and feel all that power pouring on to the road, making the Meriva perform a passable impression of a 1980's Renault 5 GT Turbo.
An eager engine, then, eager enough to pull the Meriva to 100km/h in 7.9 seconds and on (in Germany, presumably) to 220km/h. Now, though, comes the clever part: an Astra VXR tugs this way and that when you use its ample thrust on an uneven road, and can be a bombast of sensory overload.
A Zafira VXR is tall, being a not-so-compact MPV, very firmly sprung to keep the body from leaning, and somehow manages to feel both stiff-legged and Astra-fractious. It's torture for driver and passengers.
The Meriva VXR is different. Yes, you can make its wheels spin in hooligan fashion on a damp road, but you can retain enough subtlety of control to rein in that behaviour.
The ESP (electronic stability programme), which includes traction control, can't be switched off in this VXR but it doesn't matter, because it allows plenty of freedom before smoothly and progressively intervening.
Sympathetic control
The Meriva isn't looking for an excuse to flaunt its power all the time; unless provoked, it steers properly and does what it is told.
Better yet, it rides over bumps and broken tar with surprising civility and keeps its body movements under sympathetic control. It's firm underfoot but it smooths the worst of the sharp edges and doesn't purée your passengers' kidneys.
The right sort of firm ride isn't objectionable and the Meriva has that ride, despite staying remarkably level thrugh the curves.
In fact, despite its tall build, the Meriva VXR feels like a good hot hatchback to drive. Its steering has the positive response you get from a front suspension system that has had the regular Meriva's rubberiness removed; changes to the rear suspension help the rear wheels point the nose more keenly into a corner to counteract the effect of the car's lean.
Then there are Recaro seats that grip you firmly, the smooth and precise six-speed gearchange and the things that go with Merivadom rather than VXRdom. Top of the bill here is the FlexSpace rear-seat arrangement that lets you seat three in a regular row or two with the outer rear seats slid further back and closer together.
Result? Huge legroom and a useful storage space between the seats.
Fake carbon-fibre trim and VXR-badged dials help identify this interior as sportified but the wiper and indicator stalks strike a cheap note and it's annoying that you can't demist the windscreen and warm the cabin simultaneously. But these are not big issues.
Competitive on space
£16 495 might seem like a bigger issue but it's a matter of context. You'd pay more for a mid-sized hot hatchk, including an Astra VXR, and you'd also pay more for other compact MPVs with turbocharged engines.
Yes, they would all be bigger engines and ostensibly bigger cars, but the snub-nosed Meriva VXR is competitive on space and cabin pace. More so, its compact exterior adds to the driving fun because it makes for a very wieldy car.
Pointless? To the contrary, I found the juxtaposition of MPV looks and hot-hatch dynamics riotously entertaining. It might be an unlikely idea, but it's a heck of a good one.
The Meriva VXR could well be among the range of updated Merivas expected in South Africa around the middle ot 2006.
The rivals:
Mercedes A200 turbo five-door, £21 295
: Fast and beautifully designed, outside and in, but all that power (142kW) is a touch too much for the suspension. Versatile, desirable but too expensive.
Renault Scenic 2.0T Dynamique, £18 315
: A gentler interpretation of turbo power with 124kW and an impressive level of refinement. It still looks intriguing enough but the Scenic is no enthusiast's car.
Seat Altea 2.0 FSI Sport, £15 995
: Seat's almost-MPV is scuppered by incomplete seat-folding ability but looks cool and goes well with its 112kW, direct-injection engine. Meriva is more useful, more fun.