My family must be wondering who I'm turning into. I've been struck by an urge to go around unshaven, walking bow-legged like a cowboy in a spaghetti Western and clothed in anything khaki.
I scoff at tar roads; paved pathways for the unimaginative urban dweller. I only drive on them because they take me to the largely unexplored stretches of bush where the next adventure lies. I've become addicted to the rush of 4x4 motoring.
It's all Nissan's fault. I've been driving the aptly named Patrol Pickup. It's the commerical version of the Patrol wagon and, compared with that SUV, it's like discovering that the well-heeled, pinstripe-suited friend of yours has a burly, rugby-playing, cattle-wrangling brother whose name is Os.
My first meeting with 'Os' filled me with a mixture of awe and fear. We carefully sized each other up and I made a mental note that this bakkie was likely to be as tough in action as its appearance - 5.13m long, 1.84m wide, double-skin rubberised load box, triple rollover bar, heavy-duty bull bar and rear bumper, sitting high off the ground on 235/85R16 tyres.
So I gingerly stepped up into the cab, which is wide enough that you have to climb over the centre divide and crotch-stabbing gear lever to reach the passenger door. I'd knocked a few 4x4s into submission so wasn't going to back down from this one.
The cabin layout is spartan. A glove compartment big enough for a wallet; several chunky controls for air flow and temperature, aircon and fan speed; a radio and CD/MP3 player (conspicuous in its polished chrome finish), air vents, hazard lights switch and a big button marked 'Sub'. Was this connected with its wading capabilities, I wondered.
A glance at the instrument pod revealed the button was for switching between the Pickup's main 95 litre fuel tank and its second 80 litre tank (two fuel tanks!). With a claimed range of 1400km, I would be stopping to massage my seriously sore bum long before stopping I needed diesel.
So I adjusted the seat and mirrors, buckled in and gave the key in the ignition a firm twist. The earth - and everything else standing on it - rumbled as the 4.2-litre, straight-six diesel came to life, bringing a grin to my face as it did.
I'm drivin' a truck
This bakkie handles well on the tar. It bellows like a freight truck as it makes its way through the narrow ratio of first, second and third gears but then settles down to idle along in fourth or fifth. The clatter of the diesel mostly drowns out the radio and road noise makes its entrance from about 60km/h upwards. Braking is firm but the Pickup's 3.4-ton bulk means that generous following distances should be allowed.
But the stiff suspension, and even stiffer ladder chassis to which the all-steel body is fixed, made even minor bumps send a shock up my spine as a nagging reminder that I should get off the well-travelled city roads.
So I rang up Bradley - an off-road veteran - and we made our way to some suitable dirt tracks with several tools - including a spade, high-rise jack and snatch straps - in the load box. We could have used its one-ton load capacity to throw a cow in the back but we didn't have time to stop for a braai.
All the stuff wasn't needed because the Pickup was unstoppable as its limited-slip differential helped it roll on through soft, wet sand and mud and up (and down) long inclines that we estimated to be about 60 degrees. It also churned its way through muddy pools, thanks to its 700mm wading depth. Bradley, now sporting a wide grin, commented that you could "throw anything" at this bakkie. So we did.
The simple life
The keep-it-simple approach of the Pickup's engineering also gave far less cause for concern about breakdowns. The front hubs have to be locked manually and the transfer box (with 2 high, 4 high and 4 low gearing) is chain driven. The diesel engine - putting out 85kw at 4000rpm and 264Nm at 2000rpm - has no timing belt or chain and the vacuum pump is driven by gear.
Hosing the Pickup down after our afternoon was a short job because of its ground clearance and spacing between components under the body. I looked at the now sparkling bakkie and realised it was out of place without its coat of rural war paint. It would be far better used crossing hectares of farm land with a haul of hay or perhaps lugging a load of tools over rocky ridges to a remote construction site.
Driving back on the tar road into the city I sighed as my mind wandered to mountain roads where I could see myself inspecting the fences on my sheep farm while my Border collie waited for me in the cab. For a moment I considered heading straight out of town to a remote, mountainous region where I could disappear from the world; the Pickup would get me there. I wondered if they would miss me back at the office.
Prices
Price includes a three-year or 100 000km warranty, three-year paint and mechanical warranty and a three-year, unlimited distance anti-corrosion warranty. Service intervals 7500km.
Nissan Patrol Pickup 4.2d 4x4 - R302 650.