Specifications
Would suit:
People who haven't had their bum squeezed in a while.
Price:
£59 625 (but shall we just call it £60k and be done?).
Maximum speed:
250kmk/h (though, rumour has it, it can top 290km/h), 0-100km/h in 4.9sec.
Combined fuel consumption:
14.1 litres/100km.
When a manufacturer decides to chop the roof off a car to make it into a convertible, conventional engineering wisdom states that it must do a couple of things.
Firstly, the company needs to strengthen its bodyshell. In the days of the Triumph Herald, this was just a matter of giving it gigantic sills and putting a rope in the glove box so that owners could tie the door handles together to stop them flying open over bumps.
These days, of course, things are more sophisticated. Now, the car is still given gigantic sills, but the manufacturer makes sure it launches the motor somewhere with flat, smooth roads so journalists don't see that it wobbles like Chris Moyles on a pogo stick.
And just to make sure, they are also put up at the local Four Seasons beach resort and plied with Italian leather goods and all the anoraks they can eat.
I'm not suggesting that the integrity of Her Majesty's Motoring Press is compromised by this; that, for example, they might turn a blind eye to a car's minor faults (Aston Martin's awful manual gear box, for instance) and downplay the major ones (Mercedes that fall over when they have to change direction suddenly) so as not to jeopardise their place on next week's MX5 launch in Hawaii.
Not for a second.
But, I suspect I am the only national car journalist in Britain who doesn't accept business-class flights to exotic locations, lavish hospitality and free gin from car manufacturers on a near-weekly basis. Instead, I borrow cars at home and drive them on Britain's noble, yet crappily surfaced, highways and offer my thoughts.
I mention all this because I find myself with a slightly different opinion about the new Audi RS4 Cabriolet to many members of HMMP. I do agree that the RS4 has a fabulously powerful and flexible engine - it is as much fun to stick it in fifth and treat it like an automatic as it is to row up and down the gearbox.
I think the world would be a more harmonious place if cars didn't have faces like rabid sabre-toothed tigers but, if we ignore that, the Audi is perfect from every other angle and has one of the most seductive interiors of any contemporary car this side of £100 000.
And I loved the "Sport" function that gives the engine an even more feral bark than usual and makes the electronic seats gently squeeze your buttocks - it's a while since I had my bum squeezed by a stranger and I highly recommend it.
Parting company
If it also had the Mercedes SLK's Airscarf system, which gently blows warm air onto the driver's neck, owning one might be grounds for divorce.
But where I part company with my colleagues is on how the RS4 copes with normal road surfaces. There is another thing most manufacturers do when they remove a car's roof: they soften the ride to compensate for the loss of stiffness in the bodyshell.
With softer suspension, a car soaks up bumps better and masks shake. But the RS4 is the fire-breathing version of the A4 Cabriolet so, instead, Audi has stiffened the suspension. Even over minor potholes, it now shudders like an Eskimo in the shower.
Funny no one mentioned that... - The Independent, London
- Michael Booth's "Just As Well I'm Leaving" (Vintage) is out now in paperback. He promises it has nothing to do with cars.