This year the focus of Independent Media's annual #dontlookaway campaign during the 16 days of Activism for No Violence against Women and Children is #talk2yourboys. The goal is to focus on the male youth, educate and teach boys to become better men and in so doing, break the cycle of gender-based violence. Today we are talking to mothers.
Dear Mother
- If your son wants to talk to you about (sometimes uncomfortable) topics such as puberty,
relationships with his friends or his interest in girls, do you ask him to speak to his dad or a father
figure?
- If you see your son treating your daughter or a female family member with disrespect or aggression,
do you turn a blind eye?
If you notice that your son displays traits of a bully, do you ignore it?
- If your hear your son talking about girls in a rude, disrespectful or distasteful manner,
do you let it ride?
- If you notice your son watching something on TV or a music video in which
a female is being abused or portrayed as a sex symbol, do you allow him to
continue watching?
- If your son is socialising with friends who you feel are a bad influence on his
behaviour towards girls, do you stand back and avoid addressing the issue?
- Do you allow your son to disobey rules his sister(s) or female
family members are expected to keep or to get out of doing
his share of chores and family responsibilities?
- If you notice your son having difficulty with managing his
emotions, particularly anger or frustration, do you leave
him to figure things out on his own?
- Do you allow your son unrestricted access to the
internet without imposing any limits,
controls or boundaries?
- When your son cries, do you tell
him that crying is only for girls?
Or when he is afraid, do you tell
him that boys don’t show fear?
Mothers and their sons share a unique and
special bond, and every mother’s goal is to
raise her son into a respectable and well mannered young man. With the prevalence
of gender-based violence in our society -
aggression and abuse that is perpetrated by
men and boys - the question is: are mothers
actually doing enough? Are we teaching our
sons how to behave respectfully towards
girls and women? Are we nurturing them
into confident, kind and compassionate boys
who will become good boyfriends, husbands
and fathers one day? Or do we condone bad
behaviour without realising it?
If any mother ticked any of the boxes above,
perhaps there are a few things you can do
differently going forward.
It is never too late to #talk2yourboys and take the mother's pledge below:
My dearest son,
I pledge to do everything possible
to raise you in the best manner I
can, because I love you.
I promise to teach you that
every girl and woman, including
myself, deserves to be treated
with respect, kindness, tolerance
and love.
That she deserves
to be supported, heard and
acknowledged, even if she holds
views or values that are different
to yours.
I am proud to be your mother
and I pledge to show you how to
have the courage to do the right
thing and never be silent about
violence.
I pledge to teach you to never
objectify or de-value women and
girls, and to speak up when you
see others doing so.
Every day I will make a special
effort to teach you about the
power of self-control.
Although I
am your mother, I also sometimes
make mistakes. I am human.
I pledge to show you that it’s
perfectly fine to make mistakes
and how to learn from them.
Your reaction when others make
mistakes will speak volumes
about how I have raised you to be
a forgiving and loving individual.
I pledge to teach you that “No”
means “No” and “Stop” means
“Stop”.
I want you to understand
that women are equal to
men.
Don’t let anyone tell you
otherwise.
All my love,
Mum
* GET INVOLVED! Share your thoughts on toxic masculinity and how it affects our society via Whatsapp on 074 557 3535 or join the conversation on social media using using the hashtags #DontLookAway and #talk2yourboys.
