Dear Mother, don't look away, talk to your boys

File picture: Astrid Pereira/Pixabay

File picture: Astrid Pereira/Pixabay

Published Nov 27, 2019

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This year the focus of Independent Media's annual  #dontlookaway campaign during the 16 days of Activism for No Violence against Women and Children is #talk2yourboys. The goal is to focus on the male youth, educate and teach boys to become better men and in so doing, break the cycle of gender-based violence. Today we are talking to mothers.

Dear Mother

- If your son wants to talk to you about (sometimes uncomfortable) topics such as puberty,

relationships with his friends or his interest in girls, do you ask him to speak to his dad or a father

figure? 

- If you see your son treating your daughter or a female family member with disrespect or aggression,

do you turn a blind eye?

If you notice that your son displays traits of a bully, do you ignore it? 

- If your hear your son talking about girls in a rude, disrespectful or distasteful manner,

do you let it ride? 

- If you notice your son watching something on TV or a music video in which

a female is being abused or portrayed as a sex symbol, do you allow him to

continue watching? 

- If your son is socialising with friends who you feel are a bad influence on his

behaviour towards girls, do you stand back and avoid addressing the issue? 

- Do you allow your son to disobey rules his sister(s) or female

family members are expected to keep or to get out of doing

his share of chores and family responsibilities? 

- If you notice your son having difficulty with managing his

emotions, particularly anger or frustration, do you leave

him to figure things out on his own? 

- Do you allow your son unrestricted access to the

internet without imposing any limits,

controls or boundaries? 

- When your son cries, do you tell

him that crying is only for girls?

Or when he is afraid, do you tell

him that boys don’t show fear?

Mothers and their sons share a unique and

special bond, and every mother’s goal is to

raise her son into a respectable and well mannered young man. With the prevalence

of gender-based violence in our society -

aggression and abuse that is perpetrated by

men and boys - the question is: are mothers

actually doing enough? Are we teaching our

sons how to behave respectfully towards

girls and women? Are we nurturing them

into confident, kind and compassionate boys

who will become good boyfriends, husbands

and fathers one day? Or do we condone bad

behaviour without realising it? 

If any mother ticked any of the boxes above,

perhaps there are a few things you can do

differently going forward. 

It is never too late to #talk2yourboys and take the mother's pledge below:

My dearest son,

I pledge to do everything possible

to raise you in the best manner I

can, because I love you. 

I promise to teach you that

every girl and woman, including

myself, deserves to be treated

with respect, kindness, tolerance

and love. 

That she deserves

to be supported, heard and

acknowledged, even if she holds

views or values that are different

to yours. 

I am proud to be your mother

and I pledge to show you how to

have the courage to do the right

thing and never be silent about

violence. 

I pledge to teach you to never

objectify or de-value women and

girls, and to speak up when you

see others doing so. 

Every day I will make a special

effort to teach you about the

power of self-control. 

Although I

am your mother, I also sometimes

make mistakes. I am human. 

I pledge to show you that it’s

perfectly fine to make mistakes

and how to learn from them. 

Your reaction when others make

mistakes will speak volumes

about how I have raised you to be

a forgiving and loving individual. 

I pledge to teach you that “No”

means “No” and “Stop” means

“Stop”. 

I want you to understand

that women are equal to

men. 

Don’t let anyone tell you

otherwise. 

All my love,

Mum 

* GET INVOLVED! Share your thoughts on toxic masculinity and how it affects our society via Whatsapp on 074 557 3535 or join the conversation on social media using using the hashtags  #DontLookAway and #talk2yourboys.

 

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