In a matter involving interim custody over children, an acting judge remarked that parents will often point fingers at each other as being the “bad” parent, while the needs of the children become secondary.
These remarks were made during an urgent application before the Gauteng High Court, Pretoria, by a mother who wanted her daughter, aged 14, to stay with her.
The parents were never married and after they broke up, the father married another woman.
While various experts, including the office of the family advocate, are investigating what would in the end be in the best interest of the children, the court earlier ordered that both the daughter and her brother, 12, remain with their father.
The mother, however, had visitation rights.
The husband, however, recently agreed that the daughter may stay with the mother while he and his wife went abroad.
When he returned and wanted to fetch the child, the mother wanted her to remain with her for now – at least until she had concluded her end-of-year exams.
The father initially wanted custody over the children, as he feared that his wife abused alcohol and other substances.
In terms of a request of the family advocate, she subjected herself to an alcohol test that detects heavy drinking over a prolonged period. The mother said that not only did she take several urine tests, but she also tested for the use of ecstasy, heroin, crystal meth, benzos, cocaine, dagga, mandrax, and alcohol, for which she tested negative.
However, she admits that there was one test where she tested positive for alcohol.
She told the court that where alcohol is traced in one’s blood, this is not indicative of the fact that one is factually abusing alcohol. On the day she tested positive for alcohol, she took a sachet of Bioplus which contains a trace of alcohol, she explained.
She denied that she is addicted to any substance, including alcohol. She argued that she uses medication prescribed by a registered medical practitioner for anxiety, sleeplessness and depression.
Meanwhile, shortly after the father returned from his overseas trip, the mother told him that she wanted the daughter to remain in her custody for the duration of the exams.
The parties communicated with the curator, who was earlier appointed to investigate what would be in the best interest of the children, on their WhatsApp group about this decision by the mother.
She sent a message with multiple spelling errors and an email from her cellphone with some strange errors, which the father saw. The mother claimed that her cellphone was on the automatic spell-check setting which changed her Afrikaans words to words that did not make sense.
This incident led the father to assume that she was under the influence of some or other substance. He rushed to her house to fetch his daughter.
The curator at the time proposed that they should all meet and speak about the allegations made by the father against the mother. The mother, however, opted to rush to court for an order that her daughter remain with her.
Their son, meanwhile, made it clear that he did not want to stay with his mother, nor did he want to visit her.
Acting Judge C Marumoagae ruled that for now, until all the experts had concluded their reports, both children should remain with the father.
In the opening to his judgment, he remarked: “Our courts are continuously flooded with child-related disputes between seemingly well-meaning parents who appear to be acting in what they perceive to be in the best interests of their children.
“These parents, with the assistance of their legal representatives, often find it difficult to negotiate or mediate mutually beneficial and less expensive solutions that are truly in the best interests of their children.”
The judge added that, in most instances, both parents approach courts well-armed with, among others, accusations, insults, finger-pointing, and deep-rooted desires to prove why the other parent is a bad influence on the children.
“Often, the needs and interests of the children become secondary, and the parents’ interests and desires dominate the proceedings. These sentiments are certainly true in this case,” the judge said.
Pretoria News