Johannesburg - For a long time now, I have been disheartened. I’ve been in the sexual health industry for almost 20 years, and I honestly believed I could change the world.
I believe that sex is not dirty, that pleasure is a right and that sex toys are just that toys, nothing more than Tupperware with batteries.
I’ve had ladies nights, bachelorette parties, lectures, school talks, workshops, online training, YouTube channels, social media, open hearted discussions and every other platform available to me. I’ve been on radio, TV and the printed media. Educate, educate, educate has been my battle cry.
Have I changed anything?
Some days I look back and think – ‘Wow, look how far we’ve come!’ and others, not so much.
People’s attitudes and lack of thought process never ceases to amaze me.
Recently I was in a shop similar to Lola Montez situated in Pretoria. We were having a visit when a client walked in. She was middle aged (so younger than me) and the first words out of her mouth were ‘Oh I’m just so embarrassed to be here!’
She proceeded to explain how she had drawn the short straw and had to come to the shop for a Bridal gift.
I want you to think about those words for just one second.
What was she saying about me and more importantly the owner of the shop and the people who work there? The owner and I brushed it off and got to the business of selling.
Shortly after she left another, a similar demographic popped in, again with the ‘I hope no one saw me come in here, my husband is waiting for me in the car.’ I asked why he didn’t come in with her to which she responded, ‘he would never come into a place like this!’ At this stage my hackles were up and I would have liked to tear out her heart and eat it while it was still pumping – but I didn’t, I just made it as if I didn’t understand.
When questioned a little more it turns out he thought it was a bordello! Now I ask you with tears in my eyes if that was what he thought, what was she doing there with him waiting in the car?
My friend then shared a story about when she opened her shop in Pretoria, there were actual protests. After a story appeared about her in the media about what we actually do she received a visitor. This visitor told her that she had come to apologise because for months she had parked outside the shop and prayed that it would close down!
Business is hard enough as it is. Adult toy shops cannot advertise on social media and because of the stigma attached to sex, our supporters will look at our posts on the sly but will never like, comment or share because g-d forbid someone knows that they are sexually healthy beings. I wish it wasn’t so, but it is.
Take all three comments and multiply it by thousands and you will understand how awful people are in the name of decency!
I started Lola Montez because I was so tired of people thinking that sex was only porn and pills. I would have made a lot more money had I gone that route. Pornhub’s subscription hit every record in the first 12 hours of going live, but on the platform your identity is hidden so no one knows.
It keeps sex where it has been for thousands of years, in the dark and depraved corners of the world.
That is not what we do.
I wanted a place where everyone especially women could feel safe to talk about and discover new ways to pleasure. Purchase a toy or three, lubricants and learn something that will improve a relationship. Not once did I prostitute myself or do anything that I couldn’t tell my mother or children.
I have always framed my discussions about sex in the most respectful and educational way possible because I want to educate, educate, educate. I want to drag the subject into the light, remove the shame and empower ordinary people to have better, more intimate relationships.
I want to take you back to the question about what those clients were saying about us.
Either they were oblivious or insinuating that we are depraved to be doing what we do. That ordinary decent people cannot possibly be selling sex toys. Was her shame is meant to be my shame?
Men are even worse in their opinion of what I do. So many think that because I sell sex toys that I am promiscuous and will drop my panties at the merest hint of a penis. My worst is thinking that they can tell me the most disgusting joke they’ve ever heard and believe me I’ve heard them all.
People want me to do ‘parties’ for free because they are giving me an opportunity to sell my toys. Realistically I am the entertainment, and the chances of selling are highly unlikely. When I quote my fee (I have 3 degrees, several diplomas and years of experience), people are offended but they will gladly spend double on a clown for their child’s birthday party.
It’s exhausting!
I know that I have changed many lives for the better. I know that living in the light and talking openly about sex, sexuality and relationships has helped. I know that the Lola Montez store and stores like it are safe havens with no judgement and plenty of information. I know that if I pack it in the *&^%$ win.
So, I pick myself up, dust myself off, let the insults wash over me as if nothing was said, smile and answer any question you may have.
In the light of the above – do us a solid. Legitimize what we do. Help take the shame away. Follow us on social media, interact by liking, commenting and sharing.
Comment on this column and don’t be afraid to walk into our shops to learn and buy. We’re just ordinary people making a living by helping sex be what it should be. A pleasurable bodily function. The most natural thing in the world!
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