The holiday season is almost here, thank heavens. It's been a long year, one way and another. So yes, it's good that we will be packing up and taking our overworked, frazzled, miserable selves away for a lekker vacation. And talking about packing, there is one simple rule.
If you're not sure if you need it, leave it. That extra pair of shoes, the jacket, the husband, the 17 must-have little outfits from Samantha's Boutique.
Remember the mantra. You are going on holiday to have a fun time. You are casting off your aggression and becoming somebody you hardly recognise.
So when that idiot driver in the red BMW cuts in front of you and makes what looks like a rude signage with his index and middle finger you will know instinctively that he's wishing you V for Victory and so you will not put your foot down and overtake him. Instead, you will smile graciously and wave, giving him such a fright that he almost crashes his car.
When you find yourself at the airport standing in an endless queue because there are two pleasant but totally inept airline officials standing at the entrance to the check-in enclosure to make sure that you, your passport, and your luggage reconcile, you will not lose your temper because you've been waiting for over an hour.
No, you will smile and remember you are going on vacation and this is just the beginning.
Which is why when you have to stand in a queue for another two hours before getting to the actual check-in counter you will be polite to the harassed airline official who has placed you, your wife and your two children on four separate seats spread throughout the plane.
You will not make a fuss and threaten that you will never, ever fly with that airline again. It's futile.
The airline doesn't care. There are enough other passengers they can irritate by messing up their bookings and placing them in the wrong seats. It's only a four, nine, 11, 14-hour flight and you'll be together with your loved ones at the other end. So what if you have to sit next to a passenger suffering from verbal diarrhoea who talks all the way from OR Thambo to JF Kennedy? Just tactfully block your ears with toilet paper making sure that large cauliflower wads emerge from both sides.
On arrival, remember you are on holiday and every country has annoying immigration procedures.
It does not help to look impatient as they are surreptitiously eyeing you through 27 cameras concealed in unlikely places and might think that you are acting like a would-be terrorist. So stand calmly and patiently and smile. You are on holiday and this is fun.
On arrival at the hotel that you booked six months ago, don't be unpleasant when you discover it is the size of a broom cupboard, it has a wardrobe bathroom and the view is that of the five-storey building next door. So what if you can't see the lake, the forests, the rolling fields, Table Mountain, the Statue of Liberty or the promised sea view?
It's only a room. You'll just be sleeping there and it's foolish to get high blood pressure because you lose your temper and try to punch the cod-faced clerk behind the reception counter.
This is your holiday. So what if you are ripped off by three taxi drivers, have to pay ridiculous amounts of money for hamburgers and chips, have children who cannot get through the day without 12 cans of Coke that cost twice as much as they do at home?
It's nice to spend money you don't have visiting museums you hate or sit on beaches where you are squashed between strangers and the wind blows sand in your eyes and on the sandwiches you brought along with you so that you wouldn't have to buy those ridiculously-priced hamburgers. You are on holiday and what could be better? What's more, you're paying a whack of money for all this discomfort. Enjoy!
Be philosophical and know that you are having a wonderful time away from comfort of your own home where the beds are comfortable, the fridge is well stocked and where you can stretch your legs without having them sat upon by a large grandmother who looks like a wrestler and comes from Uzbekistan. There's nothing like going on vacation!