Europe's biggest holiday company has launched a £100 (about R1200) austerity cruise for the peak summer season - a price that includes all meals and tips.
There is only one catch: the Thomson Spirit sails from South Shields to the Essex port of Harwich, taking only 16 hours and venturing no further than 30 miles from the English coast.
This year's programme for the cruise ship includes great maritime cities such as Alexandria, Casablanca and St Petersburg. But on 2 August, while her three sister ships explore the Mediterranean and the Atlantic, the Thomson Spirit will trim her ocean-going ambitions for a short trip down England's east coast from the Tyne to the Stour.
The ship usually sails from Mediterranean ports such as Barcelona, Palma and Corfu. But for the £100 special, the Thomson Spirit will depart from Tyne Dock, South Shields, which has its own station on the Tyne & Wear Metro.
Demand for the cruise has been strong, with all deluxe cabins apparently sold out. Standard cabins are being sold at £200 for two, and the hourly rate for the cruise works out at £6.25, and the price includes a free bus transfer from Harwich to South Shields before the cruise, or back to the Tyne after it.
A comparable off-peak return fare by rail between Newcastle and Harwich is £139.30. Unlike rail passengers, the 1,250 cruisers on the Maltese-registered vessel will have a choice of three restaurants, two pools and five bars.
The ship will pass Lord Byron's old stamping ground of Seaham, Captain Cook's home port of Whitby and Flamborough Head in east Yorkshire before the sun sets - whereupon the band in the Broadway Show Lounge will strike up. When dawn breaks, the Thomson Spirit will be off the Suffolk coast. After she docks on the River Stour, artistically inclined passengers will find Constable Country a few miles inland.
Fraser Ellacott, managing director of Thomson Cruises, promised customers “a home from home with great food and fantastic entertainment”, though the customary Captain's Cocktail Party and Gala Dinner will not be offered. Penny Guy of the Passenger Shipping Association welcomed the concept: “This is a great idea for those who haven't experienced a cruise before - a taster which will show the value and all-inclusive nature of a cruise holiday”.
But Jacqui Ridler of The Luxury Cruise Company said there is a secondary purpose: to “position” the ship between longer cruises. The ship arrives at South Shields after a voyage to Iceland, then sails from Harwich for Norway. Ms Ridler said: “If they wanted to attract new business it would be better to sail in and out of the same port.”
The smaller Marco Polo, belonging to a different line, will make a positioning voyage from Tilbury to the Tyne in May, with cabins starting at £79.
THE AUSTERITY CRUISE HIGHS AND LOWS1 SOUTH SHIELDS 3pm (start)
Main tourist attraction is Bede’sWorld, 8th-century monk and author.
2 TYNEMOUTH 3.30pm
As Thomson Spirit sails out of the Tyne, passengers will catch a glimpse ofWhitley Bay (above).
3 SEAHAM 4.30pm
Ship sails above the undersea workings of what was Europe’s most extensive colliery. (right)
4 WHITBY 6pm
As the hungrier passengers get stuck into the buffet, Thomson Spirit passes the place where Captain James Cook learnt his trade.
5 FLAMBOROUGHHEAD 8pm
Entertainment gets under way in the Broadway Show Lounge just as the ship passes the famous 17th-century lighthouse.
6 HUMBER 11pm
Midpoint of the voyage, and the ship is 30 miles off Skegness.
7 CALIFORNIA 4am
Lights of this oddly-named Norfolk coastal village come into view as Thomson Spirit returns to hug the shore.
8 SOUTHWOLD 5am
Binoculars out to observe philosopher Alain de Botton's new Balancing Barn holiday home.
9 FELIXSTOWE 6.30am
Early passengers on the starboard side of the Compass Rose restaurant will see the port.
10 HARWICH 7am (ends)
Dawn rises over the confusion of cranes and car parks. Harwich International station is a short walk away. An anytime single to Newcastle costs £138.50. - The Independent