Batemans Bay is the place to go for anyone who has a thing about bi-valves. And an obsession with motionless mollusks. Former All-Australian sailing and windsurfing champion, Ian Dewey is the best guide for those suffering from an uncontrollable urge to spend as much time as possible in the company of an animal with a much better sex life than them.
Dewey likes to talk behind your back. He paddles the kayak while you take in the views and his spiel. He is a font of all oyster knowledge. You learn the oyster's reputation as an aphrodisiac comes from its own hectic reproductive lifestyle. An oyster produces up to one million larvae. If they are bored, oysters also have the ability to change sex. Many males turn into females.
As he manfully paddled around the tomato sticks and pointed out the marauding stingrays and called my attention to the sound of feeding prawns and, having stressed the importance in the oyster rearing business of a highly sanitary and a very clean bottom (river bottom), my guide pointed to a bird stalking the shoreline.
"The oystercatcher is one of the world's most mis-named birds. Oysters require neither catching nor even reasonable stalking skills. You can hardly stalk something that doesn't move and stays all day in bed. Oysters aren't exactly renowned for running fast."
A former oceanographer and mathematician, Dewey also worked for the Naval Weapons Research Laboratory as an exercise analyst. He started up StraightUp Kayaking in 1996, offering guided surf and open ocean as well as escorted river excursions. In 2007 a humpback whale surfaced right beside his kayak near Bush Island.
"At some point I got bored working out who was winning wars and bought a house on the coast. I worked for a while in Sydney as national sport development and education manager for Australian Canoeing. I quickly realised what environment I was happiest in and that was on or near the river.
"My passion is being out there and giving peak experiences."
He also provides history lessons. Batemans Bay in the Eurobodalla Shire could have been capital of Australia. It was named by Captain Cook after the captain of the HMS Northumberland which Cook mastered. The Clyde (Bhunadoo) river was named by Alexander Berry after the famous Scottish river.
The Illawarra and South Coast Steam Navigation Co discovered it to be navigable in 1854. Oyster farming began in about 1860. Ten years later there was a fleet of 40 oyster boats. Now there are 22 farms producing the much coveted Sydney rock lobster considered my many connoisseurs to be the finest of edible filter-feeders.
On the landing outside Enola Rossiter's charming riverside Oyster Shed on Wray Street local oyster farmer Paul O'Brien provided a masterclass in the art of oyster degustation. But started with some more history. Long before the Christian era , the Chinese were cultivating oysters and the Romans successfully used artificial methods of growing them to satisfy the refined tastes of their epicures.
He poured me a Bawley Point Gantry Chardonnay. "I got married there!" said Dewey pointing at the label. Among the experts the local Doodles Creek wasabi Japanese horseradish mayonnaise from Kangaloon was the recommended accompaniment as well as some Disaster Bay chilli lime and coriander relish.
I tipped the oyster into my mouth letting its retractable foot, colourless blood and delicious three- chambered heart slide down my throat. I eschewed the Tabasco. I wasn't in Louisiana.
O'Brien who has a fleet of houseboats applauded. "You've got a good technique there and well practiced salivary glands. And a lively tongue by the looks of it," he said, watching me polish off another oyster.
In Cancule in France I learned oysters aren't food. You drink them. "You're a natural shucker!" said O'Brien who works a 4-hectare farm on the river.
"Oysters are the canaries of the rivers," explained O'Brien. "If the river is crock, so are the oysters.
"Our oysters have the best conditions . We have 70 percent seawater and 30 percent freshwater. The river source in the Budawang wilderness is protected and uninhabited areas. Mostly national parks.
The Clyde is one of last undimmed rivers in eastern Australia. "Only five percent of the catchment has been cleared.
"The taste gets more peppery the closer you get to shore."
Oysters taste differently depending on where in the river they come from. Just like a lamb in a small paddock, they produce the best taste. It's not rocket science.
"It's where bush meets the seas. If there's no rain the oysters aren't happy."
Enola Rossiter came to Batemans Bay from Canberra 32 years ago.
Four generations including her mother Betty now work in The Oyster Shed during the summer.
"Real purists eat them raw. Natural grit and all," she says. "Nature takes its course and we just supply the infrastructure. We haven't got much above hunter gatherers."
The iron bark shed was built over a week in 1957 by her father-in-law and friends. It is the only place on the Clyde you can eat oysters straight from the river, on the river.
"Oysters aren't a elitist delicacy. They are not boutique food, but they are high-end. Once rivers like the George and Hawkesbury were as prolific as the Clyde. But now our oysters reign supreme. They are spoilt. They have the best growing area. No oyster farm leases are left and to get one you have to buy a farmer out but that doesn't happen very often."
- More information from the website www.visitnsw.com.