Ever wondered what it's like to live a lordly life in an English manor house? Well, you can now experience such grand opulence simply by taking a three-hour drive from Gauteng's concrete jungle into Mpumalanga's lush Schoemanskloof Valley.
The place to head for is the 5-star lodge, Kilmorna Manor, owned and personally managed by Laura-Ann and Philip Keates, whose meticulous attention to comfort, service and superb cuisine, endorses the manor's slogan - "a never-to-be-forgotten experience".
Tucked away in a lofty subtropical forest on the upper slopes of Schoemanskloof, the visitor's first sight of Kilmorna is rather like a waiter dramatically lifting the lid from a silver server. The magnificent Tudor mansion remains hidden behind high walls and thick vegetation until you leave the parking area and enter through the tall metal gates that lead to the slate courtyard and decorative fishpond.
Refreshing glasses of Pimm's (served with pomegranate rubies and cucumber slices) awaited us in the entrance hall, which, with its tall ceilings, wood panels, and dominating presence of a knight's suit of armour, seemed just the place Lancelot would have taken Guinevere for a lovers' weekend.
Laura-Ann and Philip led us along the red-carpeted wide passages (which must be about 3m wide) to our bedroom, one of six in the manor. Here, a towering four-poster - with the most romantic bedding imaginable - awaited us. It's the kind of bed where even the functional pillows you sleep on are silky, luxurious creations. Two wing-back chairs stood in front of the fireplace, and in the bathroom there was a splendid ball-and-claw Victorian bath, with cherubic motifs around the wall taps. And there's another relic from the past: a toilet with a good old chain to pull.
Gregorian chants were playing on the CD, and the soulful singing provided just the right atmosphere as we sipped a sherry and opened the bedroom's doors that led into the forest.
The setting seemed ethereal as butterflies and birds fluttered among the green and red foliage.
Below, a mere 3km away out of sight and sound, was the busy traffic on the R36 to Nelspruit, but that real world seemed light years away.
Laura-Ann and Philip bought the sprawling 1 300m2 house four years ago from Paddy Davies-Webb, an eccentric Irishman who has built eight signature homes in the Lowveld.
At Kilmorna, Paddy combined his passion for the Lowveld with his love for British living.
Laura-Ann and Philip were living near Dullstroom when they spotted the manor for sale on the Internet. One visit was enough to buy it.
Laura-Ann (who describes herself as a "wanna-be interior decorator with an indulgent husband") had found the perfect setting for trying out her creative talents.
"We basically took two-and-a-half years to refurbish and redecorate the mansion," she explained.
"It's an ongoing process which involves both of us constantly seeking new acquisitions to augment and complement the furnishings."
For example, Philip (who captains a Boeing 747 freight aircraft between the US and the Far East every alternate month) bought the suit of armour on eBay while in America.
"It was a bit of an effort getting it here but it just seems right for the entrance hall," he observed.
There's a surprise around every corner of the mansion.
The impressive drawing room's walls are adorned with massive Pieter Krugel murals depicting life in the English countryside; the spacious patio is decorated with beautiful cross-stitch work by Philip's mother, Anne; the Old World English-style pub has an Elizabethan fireplace; and the magnificent eternity pool is seemingly suspended in mid-air over Schoemanskloof.
Among the pool deck furniture are imported Baltic-roofed beach chairs that provide innovative privacy around the pool and can double up as wicker beds for a midday snooze.
Tucked away upstairs at Kilmorna is a wine loft designed by Philip and a library-cum-smoking room with hundreds of books and an old-fashioned record player with vinyl records.
There are, incidentally, enough books and magazines at Kilmorna to warrant years of intensive reading.
You find reading matter all over the place: our bedroom had a mini Gerald Durrell library; piles of National Geographic, Elle, Vogue magazines almost serve as part of the décor in the sunroom; coffee table books galore are in the drawing room; and in one of the hallways I even found a corner dedicated to just about every Brother Cadfael book Ellis Peters ever wrote.
One of the major attractions of this remarkable manor is the exceptional cuisine.
Dinner in the elegant wood-panelled dining room is a gastronomic adventure created by pilot-turned-chef Philip, and graciously served to each guest by Laura-Ann.
Try not to drool at just some of the dishes on our dinner menu: Shrimp and basil soup - an Italian speciality comprising a creamy sherry base and small conchiglie.
This was followed by artichoke puff pastry bites - small pastry casings filled with mascarpone cheese and caramelised garlic, served with guacamole.
Main course was Kilmorna's summer special - coconut-encrusted whiting fillet served on a bed of Parmesan creamed potato, topped with garlic spinach, grilled baby tomatoes, and a dollop of feta and yoghurt sauce.
For pudding we had chocolate mocha pots - dark chocolate, cream and coffee, baked, then chilled, served with crème fraiche and chocolate-coated coffee beans.
Dinners are affordable, with three-course meals costing just R80 and four-courses around R150.
The wines also show none of the exorbitant mark-ups encountered at most upmarket lodges. Our bottle of Boschendal Le Bouquet cost only R39.
Breakfasts are equally memorable. The manor may be English-themed but dishes such as egg pizza, corned beef cup and herb omelette were offered during our stay... served with warm home-made bread.
Over the weekend, one of the guest parties requested a braai for dinner. Unfazed, Philip came up with the likes of Zulu cabbage, a vegetable dish, sadza (pap) wedges and bobotie boerewors.
"We now have a different standard to live up to for our braais at home," Benoni guest Tanya afterwards told her husband, Johan.
Kilmorna Manor is situated on a 208ha nature reserve and Laura-Ann and Philip have recently formed a conservancy with adjacent property owners to create a 608ha reserve stocked with zebra, kudu, waterbuck, red and grey duiker, and jackal, to name just a few species. A variety of hikes and walks can be undertaken and the birdlife is prolific.
We spent a wet and misty weekend at Kilmorna, but the manor really is a place for all seasons.
- Kilmorna Manor is about 300km from Johannesburg on the N4 to Witbank, Middelburg and Nelspruit.
- Contact the manor on telephone 013-733-6100 or 083-278-3110, email [email protected] or visit www.kilmornamanor.co.za.
- Rack rates are R695 per person, bed and breakfast.
- A 3km dirt road leads to the manor, which is accessible to most sedan cars, but travel slowly as the road is stony in places.