Johannesburg - The Queen Mary 2 is not a cruise ship. Heaven forbid. It is an ocean liner – the only true-blue ocean liner plying the oceans of the world today.
For those who enjoy a holiday at sea, the QM2, as she is affectionately known in nautical inner circles, is right at the top of any self-respecting bucket list. It is a must.
Unlike any other cruise one might venture upon, the QM2 offers a unique and regal experience.
She has a royal pedigree as long as your yardarm that goes back more than a century and involves remarkable maritime history.
QM2 is the flagship of the famous Cunard Line and is one of three current queens of the sea – her siblings being the Queen Victoria and Queen Elizabeth.
Her interior is spacious and grand with an understated, almost austere elegance that is entirely befitting of her exalted station in maritime life.
Walking through the QM2 is a walk through the history of Cunard with a litany of celebrities and royalty who have sailed aboard her. Quite charming is a hand-written Christmas card sent by Diana, Princess of Wales, to the Master and crew.
For those, like me, who are monarchists and admirers of British pomp and circumstance, a voyage aboard this great queen is an opportunity to feel part of it all. Even if your forebears were Scots, Irish and Dutch.
Her main dining room is majestic and spacious with a breathtaking vaulted ceiling.
She has the largest sea-going library in the world and is the only ship with a full-scale planetarium.
But it is the tradition aboard the QM2 that will have monarchists and Thatcherites spellbound, particularly on formal nights when the officers turn out resplendent in their uniforms and guests don evening gowns and black ties.
These evenings are a journey into an elegant past of fine dining and dancing.
However, unlike most cruise ships that also have formal evenings of dining and dancing, the QM2 provides the absolute real McCoy.
The spacious and elegant Queen’s Ballroom has a live dance band and professional dancers who put on a display of ballroom dancing to take your breath away.
And for those elegant women who are either single, widowed or have husbands and partners who are either useless on the dance floor or just too huffy to let themselves go, the QM2 employs a group of distinguished, superbly mannered “dance hosts” to trip the light fantastic with guests who just love to dance. This event alone is worth the trip.
All of the dance hosts are fairly elderly, I have to say, but most are former professional dancers or dance instructors and although they might be in their late seventies or eighties they are as light on their feet as any 20-year-old I have seen.
The QM2 is more than just a liner. It is a legend.
But most of all, it is an opportunity for Anglophiles to live out their fantasies, no matter where they were born and no matter that they have no connection whatsoever to the UK.
One has to hand it to the British. They have done an outstanding job of preserving and sustaining their heritage.
And an equally outstanding job on marketing their assets.
After all, wherever you are in the world, when someone mentions “the queen”, most of those within earshot will automatically assume “Queen Elizabeth II”.
And “royal family” is pretty much universally accepted as being the British royal family.
All those who leap to those conclusions are likely to be the sort of people who will love being aboard the Queen Mary 2, wrapped in an aura of history, nostalgia, understated elegance and a liberal dose of déjà vu.
If, however, you are someone who just enjoys a cruise in the lap of luxury and doesn’t much care for the UK or its history, you would probably enjoy yourself more on board of one of the many exclusive cruise liners that eschew heritage in favour of fine food and opulent pampering.
I had the feeling that the sheer majesty of the QM2 occasion for many passengers compensated for what I found to be iffy service and cuisine that was adequate rather than outstanding.
As one somewhat inebriated guest put it: “QM2 is rather like London, full of pomp and history but very expensive and populated mostly by people who do not speak English.”
I hasten to bring the assurance that my sailing mate’s reference to things being expensive had nothing to do with the cost of a cruise aboard the QM2, which is extremely competitive.
I have to agree, though, with his assertion that things on board were expensive, although one has to remember that the QM2 is a floating five-star hotel, which, were it on dry land, would be very much at home in London’s West End. But a charge, for example, of R180 for a plastic 1.5 litre bottle of still mineral water from the minibar was somewhat excessive.
And if you are not an American or a Brit, be sure to bring along a suitable adapter to fit your European two-pin plugs.
Having been built especially for the Southampton-New York run, the QM2 only offers American or British electrical outlets in cabins.
Which meant that the non-American and non-Brits aboard – more than half the passenger compliment – were unable to charge their e-readers, cellphones and laptops.
When I phoned the purser to ask for an adapter, I was curtly told that there weren’t any.
Fortunately, my cruise agents, Imagine Cruising, was on the ball and someone went out and bought one for me.
One also has to be careful of changing money on board. While the bureaux de change on shore were selling dollars for R8.98, the QM2 was asking R10.36. Which joins the bottled water in redefining the word “excessive”.
So, while for those who love cruising for the cruise experience alone, the QM2 might not deliver the level or service or food that comes with such high expectation, those who choose the QM2 for what it is will have their dreams completely fulfilled.
The restaurants, casino and particularly theatres on board are all first-class. The pomp and circumstance are unrivalled. As is the safety and security, which Cunard takes seriously.
Having been built for crossing the often angry North Atlantic, the QM2 with its computer-controlled stabilisers is as smooth as silk, even in heavy weather.
As I often explain to those who have not yet tried the wonderful world of cruising, I am not a great sailor and get seasick at the drop of a hat.
Yet not once in all of the cruises I have done, even with gale-force winds and 4m swells, have I felt the least bit uncomfortable. Cruise ships today and particularly the QM2 are incredibly stable and comfortable.
The ship boasts one crew member to each of the slightly more than 2 000 passengers, even though, as that inebriated wag pointed out, many of the restaurant and bar crew are rather dour east Europeans who haven’t quite got the grasp of the English language.
Right now the QM2 is on its way up the west African coast heading for Southampton after a world cruise of just more than three months. It will be returning to Cape Town in the new year on another world cruise and Imagine Cruising has some extremely competitive packages for either the whole cruise or sections of it.
It is good value for money. Think about it. Under R2 000 a day including all meals and airfares. For five-star treatment to boot.
In my opinion there is no more economical way than to visit foreign ports in absolute luxury without having to pack and unpack suitcases and waste days at airports.
Cruising, even aboard the QM2, is affordable and not just the preserve of the rich and famous.
Imagine Cruising was voted best tour operator at the 2013 Getaway Show and offers competitive cruise packages for the QM2 and other Cunard vessels and associated cruise lines such as Holland America, Carnival, Royal Caribbean and more.
Imagine Cruising is offering a 20-night cruise from London to Cape Town departing on January 8, including air travel, two nights in a London hotel and 18 nights on board in a five-star stateroom and all meals on board. Fares range from an inside stateroom at R34 999 (that’s about R1 800 a day); outside and balcony staterooms from R41 999 to a suite at R79 999. The QM2 will sail from Southampton, calling at Madeira, Tenerife, Walvis Bay and Cape Town. The itinerary and other details is at www.imaginecruising.co.za/cunard-cruises/queen-mary-2-world-08-jan-2014-20-nights/c60678 or call 0861 100 400.
Imagine Cruising is also offering a 25-night cruise on the QM2 from Cape Town to Sydney, Australia, departing on January 28. Fares range from R52 999 for an inside stateroom to R65 999 for outside and balcony staterooms to R120 999 for a suite. The QM2 will visit Durban, Mauritius, Fremantle, Melbourne and Sydney. Prices include two nights in a top hotel and a flight back to South Africa. See www.imaginecruising.co.za/cunard-cruises/queen-mary-2-world-28-jan-2014-24-nights/c60818 or telephone 08961 100 400.
General enquiries: 0861 000 496
www.imaginecruising.co.za - Saturday Star