The New Year’s resolutions your appliances would make if they could talk

As we step into January, a time traditionally reserved for self-reflection and goal-setting, it seems only fitting to turn our attention to the oft-overlooked members of our household — the appliances. While we promise ourselves gym memberships and better financial planning, what resolutions might our trusty dishwashers, washing machines, and toasters make if they had a voice to express their wishes? Rishka Matthews, Head of Marketing at Sweepsouth, an online platform for on-demand cleaning services, believes these unsung heroes of our homes deserve a moment in the spotlight.

The kitchen: where the most action happens

The heart of every home — the kitchen — takes the brunt of daily chaos. Our dishwashers, after countless cycles, would undoubtedly resolve to earn the respect they rightfully deserve. Their pledge would involve requesting no more overburdening with crusted pots or sticky pans. Instead, they’d love a bit of pre-scraping and smarter loading practices for dishes, promising in return crystal-clear glassware that sparkles in broad daylight.

“To maintain your dishwasher at peak performance, simply place a dishwasher-safe cup filled with white vinegar on the top rack and run a hot water cycle,” suggests Matthews. Following this with a sprinkle of baking soda promises not only to deodorise but to keep that unsightly buildup at bay, all without the use of harsh chemicals.

Next on our appliance dialogue is the toaster. Often unfairly blamed for burnt toast, it longs for recognition of the real culprit lurking behind the scenes — an unclean crumb tray! This year, a resolution from the toaster entails an embrace of variety; whether it’s rustic bread, frozen waffles, or English muffins, it asks for a simple weekly emptying of crumbs. In return, it promises to forgive past misdeeds, like that time a knife was hastily jammed between its slots.

Meanwhile, the refrigerator, the silent guardian of our leftovers, seeks a modicum of respect this year. Its resolution is simple: no more expired yoghurts pushed to the back in favour of less annoying hums at night and crisper vegetables for longer. “Regular deep cleans do wonders, not only for aesthetics but in prolonging the lifespan of your fridge,” notes Matthews. A mix of equal parts vinegar and warm water, applied after removing all food items, will help maintain its clean interior.

Unveiling the cleaning crew

From its lonely cupboard abode, the vacuum cleaner yearns for a simpler life, resolving to tackle pet hair without choking, provided its bin is emptied post-use. A small request in retrospect. As for the washing machine, still recovering from the strain of holiday linens, it asks for colour sorting before laundry day to avoid traumatic mishaps like last year's infamous red sock incident. Its fluffy companion, the dryer, promises to return towels in a soft, luxurious state if only its lint trap is cleaned regularly.

The often forgotten spaces

Then there’s the garage, which craves orderly storage. The garage door hopes to glide open smoothly while vowing to keep quiet if you catch up on maintenance like tracking oiling and battery replacements. Also, the leaf blower and lawn mower dream of better storage solutions, wishing for tidier cords and no more tangled messes. A harmoniously organised garage ready for the new year could make all the difference.

Transforming shared spaces

Let’s not neglect the guest bathroom and living room. The toilet, frequently spotless only in anticipation of company, begs for periodic cleaning to avoid the dreaded ring. Its promise? A throne-like experience for guests that fosters comfort and ease. The showerhead, battling mineral buildup, vouches for spa-level pressure if allowed a quick monthly descaling.

In the living room, even the TV remote has a resolution: to respond optimally on the first click. However, it acknowledges that cleaning between the buttons might be necessary in return. The beloved coffee maker, responsible for brewing energy-fueling elixirs, pledges endless quality if it’s descaled regularly to banish unpleasant flavours.

A cleaner start to 2026

While appliances may not officially make resolutions, minor maintenance and care help ensure they run smoothly without unnecessary breakdowns. Simple tasks like cleaning filters, wiping surfaces, and emptying crumb trays can substantially enhance your home. Not only will this boost efficiency, but it will also create a more harmonious living environment where appliances complain less, even if they can’t speak.

IOS