Shepherding change: Jeffrey Rakabe's memoir unveils the dark side of initiation rituals

With winter here, the season of initiation is in full swing. For many, initiation marks the sacred transition to adulthood, steeped in tradition and expectation. 

Yet, the release of Jeffrey Rakabe's groundbreaking memoir, “Led by Shepherds: An Initiate's Memoir", presses society to rethink the narratives surrounding these deeply ingrained customs.

In “Led by Shepherds,” Rakabe, who entered the Koma (initiation lodge) at just twelve years old, offers a raw and unfiltered recounting of his harrowing journey. 

Surviving fourteen days without water while nursing wounds, he learned not merely to suppress pain but to endure a torturous experience that he believed would shape him into a man. 

“The first week in the Koma lodge dragged on, each day blending into the next in a haze of thirst and longing for home. Somehow, I managed to survive fourteen days without a drop of water. I was desperate for relief, yet I never complained - clinging to a fragile sense of pride that felt like my only armour.”

“Home seemed like a distant dream. I was dirty and thin. Dust coated my hair. My belly was swollen and uncomfortable, a stark contrast to my thin frame. I could feel my body deteriorating as I lost weight.

"Angry scabs covered my wound, the skin beneath inflamed and unhealed. Even the bitter black herb we were given, dubbed ‘Coca-Cola’, failed to provide relief,” he recalled. 

Yet, Rakabe's memoir transcends the typical coming-of-age story. Years later, as he delved into literature amidst the nurturing environment of the Johannesburg Public Library, he began to wrestle with the darker implications of his initiation. 

He questioned: “As the country rightly focuses on preventing the physical deaths of young initiates, we must also ask: what ideas are being resurrected in their place?” 

His contemplation reveals how these initiation rituals often perpetuate toxic masculinity and silence boys, intertwining with the pervasive issue of gender-based violence (GBV) in South Africa.

The memoir is resolutely both a personal testament and a significant social critique, calling upon traditional leaders, communities and policymakers to introspectively examine what is imparted within the mountains. 

Framed within the context of the Customary Initiation Act, Rakabe's story arrives at a crucial moment in SA, where cultural practices are under public scrutiny. 

Ultimately, this work is part memoir, part manifesto. It is a call for a new kind of manhood - one anchored in care, accountability and equity.  

Speaking to “Independent Media Lifestyle”, Rakabe emphasised his intention to thrust readers into the heart of the ritual: “I wanted to start right at the edge; me, 12 years old, climbing into the mountains for initiation."

"It’s a moment of rupture, of becoming. Dropping readers straight into that ritual meant showing the shift as I felt it: raw, strange, unforgettable. A boy not quite sure what he’s becoming.”

A catalyst for this exploration was the tragic murder of University of Cape Town student Uyinene Mrwetyana in 2019, an incident that intensified Rakabe's sense of urgency in sharing his story.

“It made the story feel urgent, impossible to keep to myself,” he explained.

"It took five years. The hardest part was breaking the silence around koma; writing openly about a ritual so guarded and tying it to GBV in South Africa. That cost something," he confessed. 

Rakabe reflected on the valuable lessons he learned from the women in his life, illustrating a stark contrast to the traditional teachings of initiation that often revolve around conquest and domination.

He noted, "The women in my life showed me what gender interdependence means: partnership, respect, strength without control. The contrast was brutal. This book is my choice to live by their lessons." 

Addressing the struggles of masculinity, he stated, “I’d tell him - don’t break yourself trying to be 'a boy’. That role can be a cage. Be kind even when it’s hard. Take responsibility even when you're scared. Respect people and yourself. That’s the way out.” 

The reception to Rakabe's memoir has been notably strong, particularly among women. Yet, he acknowledged a critical aspect that concerns him: “That worries me, because this is a story men need to hear too.” 

Looking ahead, Rakabe remains uncertain of his next steps, sharing that he and his partner are still exploring avenues for activism, education and possibly another book.

“Whatever comes next, it has to mean something,” he concluded.