When Nadia Nakai shared intimate Valentine's Day photos with Toss, she faced public backlash for moving on too quickly after AKA's death. We explore the complexities of grief and the societal expectations surrounding it, featuring insights from grief specialists
Image: Instagram via: Nadia Nakai
Nadia Nakai Kandava, known as Nadia Nakai's Valentine's Day pictures with her new partner, Toss, have drawn criticism from fans. Many are pointing out that AKA's death occurred only three years ago, suggesting she has moved on too quickly.
The appropriate waiting period before moving to a new phase became a point of discussion. This led to a conversation with Lily Breuning Ellis, a specialist in "breath and death," about the process of grieving following the loss of a loved one.
Three years after the tragic passing of her partner, AKA, Nadia Nakai has kept her personal life private. However, she recently faced public backlash for posting intimate photos with Toss, despite not confirming or denying a relationship.
The release of a music video featuring the two further fueled criticism, with some members of the public accusing her of having "moved on" and claiming that "AKA is turning in his grave."
This backlash has sparked a debate: some argue that three years is a respectable amount of time to mourn before moving on, while others demonstrate insufficient respect for her late boyfriend.
The debate surrounding DJ Zinhle's public grief for the late rapper AKA, three years after his death, also sparked criticism. Despite having separated from AKA in 2014, they share a child. Critics argued that Zinhle's mourning disrespected her current partner, Murdah Bongz, suggesting she prioritised the deceased rapper.
Regarding anyone’s period of moving on, Lily Breuning Ellis, who specialises in “breath and death,” thinks, “It is a personal process, and any timeframe that it takes for someone to get to that point of acceptance is the timeframe that it takes and has nothing to do with disrespect or respect.”
She further states that moving on is a deeply personal process, and for each person depends on how long the relationship was, how meaningful, how deeply enmeshed they were, and to what degree they shared life.
While the public often holds varied views on the appropriate length of a grievance period, experts offer a different perspective on the mourning process for a deceased loved one. According to Shelley Lewin, the Relationship Architect, "grief, loss, and the mourning process have no right or wrong answers; it is unique to the person and the circumstances."
Ellis does not differ either: “There's absolutely no way that one can say that there has to be X amount of time after which one is expected to have completely moved on. Some people actually never get to their grieving process, and other people can process it fairly quickly, and neither one is necessarily right or wrong.”
Ellis shared a personal example involving her late mother. She described still experiencing grief because she cannot physically interact with her mother, seek her advice, or share her life with her. However, she also expressed a clear understanding that her mother is no longer physically present, but that she is still able to communicate with her with her heart.
“It's not something that causes me to live my life with any less richness or nuance, as it might have potentially after the first couple of months after she passed away,” she added.
She concluded, “There is a general idea that for us to pass through deep grief, that is losing someone who was very much a part of our life, it takes more or less two years from the point of loss until we emerge on the other side, where we feel that we can step back into the river of life.”
IOL