Understanding narcissism: how it affects relationships and emotional well-being

“I dated a narcissist.” “My mom is a narcissist.” “You’re being so narcissistic.”

We’ve all heard or maybe even said these words before.

Lately, the word “narcissist” gets thrown around a lot, especially in therapy circles. With social media trends and talk about toxic relationships, the term has started to lose its real meaning.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is much more than taking lots of selfies or wanting attention. It’s a serious mental health condition that shapes how someone sees themselves and connects with others, often causing real pain.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5-TR), NPD is defined by a persistent pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy. But beneath that confidence often lies a fragile sense of self and an intense fear of inadequacy.

So, how do you tell the difference between everyday narcissism and something more serious?

Everyday signs you might be dealing with a narcissist

People with NPD often have an inflated sense of self-importance, believing they’re special or superior. They crave admiration and often expect special treatment, whether it’s in relationships, friendships, or at work.

Some common symptoms include:

• Constant need for attention and praise.
• Exaggerated sense of achievements or talents.
• Exploiting others for personal gain.
• Feeling envious of others or assuming others envy them.
• Lack of empathy and emotional depth.
• Persistent fantasies about power, beauty or success.

These behaviours can sometimes seem like confidence or ambition. But if you look more closely, you’ll often find deep insecurity underneath.

As some clinical experts say, “Narcissism isn’t confidence, it’s insecurity dressed up as superiority.”

The thin line between narcissism and NPD

Everyone has some narcissistic traits. For example, it’s normal to feel good after a compliment or enjoy sharing a favourite selfie. That’s just being human. NPD, though, is different. It’s a lasting pattern that can harm relationships, self-esteem, and emotional balance.

Dr Elsa Ronningstam, a clinical psychologist at Harvard Medical School with over two decades of study on narcissism, explains that NPD involves impaired empathy, difficulty regulating self-esteem, and challenges in maintaining authentic relationships.

This makes everyday life complicated both for the person with NPD and for those around them.

Now, you might wonder why some people develop NPD. Let’s explore possible reasons.

There isn’t one single cause, but research points to a mix of genetic, environmental, and childhood factors.

Some possible roots include:

• Overpraise or overindulgence from parents.
• Childhood trauma or neglect.
• Inconsistent parenting, swinging between criticism and admiration.
• Unmet emotional needs during development.

Research shows that both too much praise and too much rejection in childhood can lead to narcissistic traits as a way to cope. The mind tries to protect a fragile sense of self by creating a stronger, but often unrealistic, one.

The many faces of narcissism

Not all narcissism looks the same. In fact, researchers identify different types of narcissism, and not all of them are loud or obvious.

Grandiose narcissism (overt): The stereotypical “look at me” narcissist. Bold, charming and self-assured, but often dismissive of others.

Vulnerable narcissism (covert)  The quiet, sensitive type. They crave admiration but withdraw when they don’t get it. Often plays the victim.

Communal narcissism: They believe, “I’m the most selfless person you’ll ever meet.” These individuals seek admiration through their generosity or good deeds.

Malignant narcissism: The most destructive form. This combines narcissism with aggression and paranoia, often crossing into manipulative or abusive behaviour.

While not everyone with narcissistic traits has NPD, these types help us understand how it can show up in different social and emotional forms, sometimes hidden behind charm, humility, or even kindness.

Getting help and setting boundaries

Only a qualified mental health professional can diagnose NPD, typically using tools like the Narcissistic Personality Inventory (NPI) or the International Personality Disorder Examination (IPDE).

Treatment often includes psychotherapy focused on improving self-awareness, empathy and healthier relationship patterns.

But what if you’re in a relationship or family dynamic with someone showing narcissistic traits? Setting boundaries becomes essential.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder isn’t about vanity or ego. It’s a deep, complex mental health condition that affects emotional intimacy, empathy and identity.

And while pop culture might glamorise or demonise “the narcissist,” real understanding begins with compassion and education.