Is your partner selling you a dream they can’t deliver? Learn the signs of future faking, the psychological manipulation tactic trending in modern dating.
Image: Pexels.
Have you ever met someone who started planning your 10th anniversary trip on the third date? It feels magical, like you’ve finally found "the one" who isn't afraid of commitment.
But if those big dreams never turn into real plans, you might be a victim of "future faking".
While it sounds like a trendy TikTok buzzword, this behaviour is a psychological manipulation tactic that every dater needs to understand.
What is future faking, exactly?
At its core, future faking is when someone makes grand promises about a future together - marriage, dream homes, or even just a concert next month - to gain your trust and affection right now.
The catch? They have no intention of actually following through.
While it may feel like a modern-day problem, it’s actually rooted in clinical psychology. Before it went viral, experts studied it as a trait of narcissistic personality disorder (NPD).
As far back as the 90s, researchers like Donald G. Dutton and Susan L. Painter explored "intermittent reinforcement", where the hope of a future reward keeps a person hooked in a bad relationship.
Today, social media has brought these clinical terms to the mainstream. For a generation exhausted by ghosting and "situationships", the term "future faking" provides a much-needed label for a very old trick.
If they’re planning your honeymoon before they’ve even learned your coffee order, take a breath. It might not be "soulmate energy" - it might be Future-Faking.
Image: Pexels.
The hook
A future faker is an expert at mirroring. They figure out what you want, whether it’s a stable family or a travel partner, and reflect it to you. This creates an instant, intense bond that makes you more likely to:
Overlook red flags.
Forgive bad behaviour today because "the future will be so great".
Invest your time, money and emotions into a fantasy.
Spot the red flags
How do you tell the difference between a "dreamer" and a "faker"? Look for these signs:
Warped timelines: They’re talking about moving in together before they even know your middle name.
Vague plans, no receipts: They suggest a trip to Italy but never look at flights. If you ask for details, they say something like: "Let’s just see where the wind takes us."
The distraction tactic: When you bring up a current problem, they pivot to a future promise to shut down the argument (eg: "I know I’ve been distant, but once we buy that house, I’ll be all yours").
The love bomb: It usually happens during a whirlwind of excessive affection designed to hook you fast.
The reality check: Dreams vs reality
Future faking: Feels rushed and intense. Small plans are constantly cancelled. They blame stress or work for failures. They are the "hero" of the story.
Genuine planning: Develops at a steady, natural pace. They show up for the "boring" dates. They take accountability if plans change. You build the future together.
How to protect your heart
The best way to spot a future faker is to watch their feet, not their lips.
1. The 24-hour rule: If they can’t keep a promise for a Tuesday night movie or an 8pm phone call, they won't keep a 24-month promise for a wedding.
2. Check the history: If they have a trail of "abandoned projects", short, intense relationships or "dream businesses" that never launched - take note.
3. Monitor the "why": Does the big talk only happen when you’re pulling away or upset? If so, the "future" is being used as a tool to control your present.