I’ve been struggling to find words to express my disgust and rage at the orange monster and his little Zionist handler. Anyone who still believes there is a shred of humanity in these men and their cronies surely would not be reading this column. Their warmongering represents all that is evil in the world, and reinforces that most toxic trait of patriarchal masculinity that might is right. The paedophiles who joined the monster Epstein were all powerful men, and I despair at how their continued evasion of accountability to the women they harmed perpetuates misogyny and violence in society.
But I refuse to let these ogres live in my mind. I want to resist the ugliness they represent by reminding us of the amazing men in our lives. In my many decades on this earth, I have been blessed to know and love many men who helped shape me as a man, and I continue to encounter and love men who show me and the world what we can be.
I stand to recognise those men who refuse to let the violence of society shape their engagement with the world. In South Africa, it is men who are most likely to die violently. Up to 90% of murder victims in this country are men, and in 63% of those cases they are killed by acquaintances – they know each other! Even more alarmingly, 10% of these victims are killed by family members. These are relational issues, not the violence of strangers who account for 20% of homicides.
I have a friend whose boys – grown men now – have autism and require a great deal of care. His is a lifetime commitment, and when he told me how he literally washes his boys with love each day, it confirmed that we as humans have endless capacity to care. Another man in my life is the primary caregiver for his son, and even as he navigates the challenges of surviving in a tough economy, he holds his boy’s well-being as a precious mission. He might not get it right every time, but there is no doubt of his capacity for love.
We all know teachers who pitch up every day to teach and to offer kids, often from rough backgrounds, a safe space where wonder and excitement at new knowledge can take flight in their young minds. There are quite a few of these men in my life who show me how to nurture. In my extended social space and beyond, I encounter young men who are navigating the changes in their bodies as they mature, and who are not letting behaviours historically regarded as our right as men override their conscious choice to be respectful of young women.
Someone close to me should be the poster boy for empathy. He holds his friends in his heart and stands with them with love as they find their way through their personal and social struggles. That is solidarity in action right there, and a solid demonstration of empathy and care.
There are those who battle with and resist the lure of toxic masculinity, where it is easier to use might to be right than to embrace vulnerability. I know men who are okay to not have all the answers, who accept that the absence of certainty allows space for wisdom and growth to happen. They choose to humble themselves in pursuit of a different self that builds and doesn’t destroy.
In the midst of femicide, war, and patriarchal power systems that would make us monsters, we must celebrate the resistance that so many men are offering by consciously choosing love and care in life. I recognise them, and I embrace the challenge they pose to me, that I too can be different. Strength to your arm, brothers, in continuing this struggle.
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