The Hangout: Lessons I’d share with younger me

I wish I could’ve travelled forward in time and checked things out a bit and then made a quick to-do and not-to-do list for myself and taken it back to when I was young. Younger.

It doesn’t really matter what people around you tell you or what you get taught at school. You probably won’t listen to that advice or you will take a bit from here and a bit from there but looking back I would have done things slightly differently. I’m not at all unhappy with the way things have turned out and I have lived a very beautiful and very full life but a few tweaks wouldn’t hurt.

I actually really like lifing and I would love to buy more lives like in a video game so if anyone knows where that shop is, please message me. You know when you’ve had a big meeting at work or a chat with that ex and about ten minutes later, you think about all the things you actually wanted to say, and how you wanted to say them and how you could have said them better. Yes that. But I want to go to my life cassette player and press rewind.

Imagine being able to tell yourself that the first heartbreak was not a near-death experience and that you’re actually going to meet even more amazing people and go on more dates and get your heart broken until the day you die but you will live through them.

Sometimes it doesn’t feel like you will because heartbreak is the most painful of all the sores. Maybe the right advice is to make slightly better choices about whom you give your heart to. And are they worth all the tissues afterwards.

I have always said love hard and like you have never been hurt before because why hold back and why give more love to one person and not another. I realise I am sounding a little crazy and contradictory but I am having all the feelings, okay. I am just here writing my letter to myself but you are allowed to read it. This first part is not for those people who fell in love at school and have been married for ninety three years.

H Jackson Brown Junior wrote in his book, PS I Love You, twenty years from now, you will be more disappointed by the things that you did not do than by the ones that you did do.

Firstly, more tissues are needed just thinking about that ridiculous movie. Sniff sniff.

But the other thing I wish I’d done is worry a tiny bit less about what people thought of me and about making people happy. Happier than me. I always put other people’s happiness above my own and for the most part, making other people happy makes me happy, so it is a win-win.

The problem is that baddies sneak through the cracks while you’re skipping through fields of flowers and butterflies and they crawl under the radar. People take advantage and unpleasant humans in authoritative positions abuse their power and when you’re young, you think you are okay. You think you will be fine. Instead of making a fuss or causing a scene, you’d rather forget about it.

No. That is not how these things work. Every bad thing that happens to you leaves a little scar and those scars get bigger and there is no tissue oil for the scars in your memory or on your heart. There is therapy and there is medication but what if you didn’t need to fix things that others have inflicted upon you.

There are horrible people out there who don’t deserve a free pass or your kindness and they should be called out and I think you get better at this the more you do it. Call out the abusers and the bullies. I am not a fan of confrontation but I would become one if I knew then what I know now. These little gremlins get away with murder because they know they can. Protect yourself and stand up for yourself. This part is not for people like my mom, who would win competitions if standing up for yourself and being strong were a sport.

Never stop learning. That’s another thing on my regrets list. And I know I’ve still got time and it’s never too late but just do it as soon as you can. I wanted to learn languages and I love travelling so they would have complemented each other going forward. I learnt Spanish at a language school once a week when I was about nineteen but it was far and it was early on a Saturday morning and it drained my waitressing money so I found excuses. I then learnt French and my beautiful teacher, who was far too young, passed away. I stopped that. I had all the time in the world. I should have persevered. It’s the same with wanting to learn how to play a musical instrument. I could have jumped in easily with all the best musos as my besties. Bizarrely, I never tried. That is something I would love to be able to do. I don’t think I want to play Wembley Arena anytime soon, but as a hobby, it would be wonderful.

And then travelling. Do it. Do it as much as you can and for as long as you can. I think learning life through travelling is much more beneficial than most things you learn at school. It teaches independence, tolerance, respect, acceptance and a whole collection of things you pick up from being around people with completely different lives and beliefs and backgrounds.

It’s an adventure and there’s a whole world out there waiting to be discovered and waiting to teach you something. Anything. Work abroad and travel as much as you can. I could have done more of this, and I still can, but life is getting harder and far more pricey, so it would’ve been easier twenty years ago. But woulda, coulda, shoulda. Go and work in a pub, or on a yacht, or on a farm. Spread those wings. And learn from that school of life. I think some people put too much pressure on themselves to succeed or to achieve and they grow up, or rather grow old, too quickly. I am not a life coach and I am not being judgy. Others are too afraid of what will happen on the other side. Who knows. Whether it’s seeing more of Africa or going to work on an island. Younger me, just do it. This one is not for your cousin who has been to eighty-nine countries and gone through twenty passports before the age of forty.

Eat all the bread. I didn’t love bread and cake when I was younger, and now that I cannot have three toasties a day because of age and because I don’t go to the gym, that is all I want, and they are my favourite things now. Obviously.

Do not overthink things too much and say yes more often. Not when your life is at stake but to fun things and hard things and things that can help others.

Say please and thank you and compliment people because you never know who is having a bad day and who just needs a little extra love.

Save up for a rainy day. This is important. You cannot get buried with your billions but if it’s at all possible put something away now and then even if it is very little. Those rainy days will come and they can be torrential. Things and circumstances change in the blink of an eye and you are never completely safe. All you can do is pack a life jacket or make sure you have some kind of safety net.

So breathe through things, baby me. More often than not, there are silver linings and rainbows after big storms. And if you don’t like the way your story is going, it is your story, so rewrite it. It is almost never too late. Until it is. Smile a lot. Laugh a lot. And even when you are a little down fool yourself into thinking you are actually happy by smiling like a weirdo.

Stress is bad for you and laughter really is the best medicine. And also baby me, if you are having a bad day, do not watch any of the Monster series' because even though it might make you feel better knowing you are hopefully not going to get worn like a dress by a sneaky psycho, it is too heavy for low days. Watch Deadpool and learn superhero moves instead.

Oh, and look after your health like your life actually depends on it, coz you know. 

Okay chat soon mini me. Xoxo