Seemah Mangolwane opens up about toxic upbringing: 'My mother did not let me speak'

Behind the viral TikTok skits and witty digital persona we love, South African content creator Seemah Mangolwane was hiding a heavy reality. Known to millions for her infectious humour, the podcast host recently pulled back the curtain on a deeply painful chapter of her life.

In episode 3 of the "Not Sorry" podcast, produced by Glitch Africa Studios, Mangolwane and co-hosts Munaka Muthambi, Nomthandazo Nkosi, and Rei Nkuna tackled a major cultural taboo: the generational wounds of childhood verbal abuse and toxic maternal relationships.

By sharing their raw experiences, the all-female panel provided a powerful lens to examine how childhood words shape adult self-worth, communication, and romantic partnerships.

The clip caught wildfire online because it mirrors an agonising truth rarely spoken aloud in South African homes. Mangolwane opened up about her upbringing, revealing that her mother’s hostile communication style became a permanent barrier to her own self-expression.

"My mother did not let me speak," Mangolwane confessed, sharing that her mother would routinely cuss at her instead of communicating. “If I were to chime in while she’s speaking, she would shout 'fok!'... I’m just like…”

When a child is constantly silenced, they internalise the message that their thoughts and identity do not matter. Mangolwane admitted this directly stunted her growth: "I also feel like she had an impact on me not being able to articulate myself well."

Tragically, this exposure creates a cyclical ripple effect. Mangolwane realised she had begun throwing around insults herself, mimicking the only language structure she knew to protect herself.

It was only during visits to her grandmother’s house that the pattern clicked: "I understand now why you are like this, but now, you are making me that person."

When childhood exposure becomes your inner voice, you unknowingly project that same cruelty onto yourself and the world.

What happens when praise never comes?

The dialogue shifted to expose how these psychological wounds manifest differently across the panel. Nkuna recalled how her mother once branded her a "straat mate" (street walker) and completely withheld validation.

"Guys, my parents don’t celebrate me at all. They never said they were proud of me... I once got a 100% for my assignment," she shared.

When praise never comes, a child's psychological reward system is deeply altered. Without maternal validation, children grow up with a hollow sense of self-worth.

They often transform into chronic overachievers, trapped in an exhausting adult cycle of trying to perform and win the love they were denied at home. The silence of an unproud parent echoes loudly through a person's career, leaving them feeling permanently inadequate.

The complicated conversation about corporal punishment

The conversation took an even darker turn as Nkuna detailed memories of being slammed against walls, and Nkosi shared that she was once beaten with a hosepipe, exposing how verbal aggression and physical violence are often intertwined under the guise of traditional parenting.

Muthambi raised a striking point about the gender dynamics at play: "I believe a mother can (physically) discipline their daughter, but a father can’t, because it sets you up to believe that another man can do it."

This sparks a complicated conversation about corporal punishment in South African culture. While many defend physical discipline as standard upbringing, the panel highlighted how it blurs the lines of personal safety.

When violence and harsh words are normalised by caregivers, it skews a child's radar for toxicity. It conditions young women to tolerate aggression from future romantic partners because they have been taught that abuse is a form of love.

What does verbal abuse do to the brain?

While few parents make it through the stress of raising kids without losing their temper, neuroscientists warn there is a strict line between an occasional outburst and a sustained pattern of toxic behaviour.

Data from the UK charity Words Matter reveals that constant shouting and humiliation physically alter a child’s developing brain in two profound ways.

Constant childhood verbal abuse changes how the brain develops by keeping the body's survival mode on high alert, causing adults to mistake neutral situations for threats.

This damage also numbs the brain's reward system, making it difficult to form healthy relationships and leaving lasting impacts on mental health and inner dialogue.

Harsh language sticks because we are biologically wired to privilege negative and threatening information for our own protection. The ultimate tragedy of childhood verbal abuse is its long-term lifestyle consequence: the adult relationships we build almost always mirror our early home life.

An adult who was constantly yelled at might shut down completely during a mild disagreement with a spouse because their brain expects a traumatic explosion.

Another might become controlling or overly defensive, repeating their parents' toxic communication patterns with their own children, passing the trauma down yet another step.